The age-old enemies

Okay, so when three different people who never communicate send you the same video within 24 hours, it’s time to address something. I know that when most people I know see anything related to lizards, especially bearded dragons, they turn to me. But this is another level entirely. This…this…

I can’t tell which is funnier: the kitten’s multiple cartwheels or the bearded dragon just sitting there at the end, all alone, clearly thinking “What? What did I do?”

All of these people have sent it to me in good humor, because they are intelligent people who understand that the unnaturally adorable kitten was never in danger. From a lot of the comments that I’ve read, on youtube and facebook, other viewers are under the impression that the cat was in danger the whole time, and that the cat was fleeing for its life. Well, it was fleeing for its life, because cats are stupid. The bearded dragon was never going to hurt the kitten. The bearded dragon can’t hurt the kitten — beardies fight by tail-biting and trying to sit on each other. Mostly the sitting part. Whoever sits on the other is the bigger, badder lizard, and so the weaker lizard better leave the badder lizard’s territory lest his tail get all kinds of messed up.

via Wikipedia

This is the bearded dragon’s fighting face. It’s kind of adorable. The bearded dragon’s name comes from that “beard”, a gigantic jowl under the chin that they puff up when they’re ready to fight. It’s meant to make them look bigger. They also puff out their skin and stand up on their legs in order to seem bigger.

via David Kleinert Photography

The reason why their fighting stance is to look bigger is because they don’t really want to fight. They’re actually kind of pathetic. Their claws can scratch, but they don’t break skin. They don’t have teeth or venom. They’re pathetic in a fight. No, their fighting stance is designed to stop a fight before it starts. That is probably why their fighting face is so endearing to humans. Lookit the lil lizard trying to look tough!

You’ll also notice that at no point in the video does either lizard ever whip out this face. The lizards remain calm and collected the entire time. When the one lizard does feel threatened, he simply walks away. He doesn’t even run, just walks. The other lizard takes a few steps towards the cat, and then another few steps. The kitten freaks out, but part of the humor is that the reaction is entirely over-the-top. The lizard shows no sign of wanting to fight, and even if the lizard did want to fight, the kitten has bigger claws and a faster reaction time.

Here is a video that went viral for a while that was a much more accurate depiction of cat/lizard relations. The lizard might be mildly freaking out, but makes very few signs of it — those signs are easily interpreted by the uneducated viewer as a sign of enjoying the cuddling. The cat is entirely in control of the relationship. Absolutely no one would see this video and think the cat is danger. Cats are more powerful than bearded dragons. Even kittens are more powerful than bearded dragons.