So on Saturday I came home crying from Starbucks. I had even spoken to HR about how overwhelmed I was feeling. And, to my humiliation, they clearly spoke to my supervisor about how I was feeling overwhelmed, and so he told me that I was doing okay and started saying more encouraging things? And then I was super humiliated? Because HR had done what HR is supposed to do? And then we had a rush and after the rush I went in the back and cried some more? And then I went home and James told me about how he went to Petsmart and there were puppies there? And then I cried because I didn’t see the puppies?
Then after a while I stopped crying and took a shower and James made dinner and everything was okay.
And we played Arabian Nights, one of my personal favorites.
Honestly that seems to have been the peak of my feeling awful. Hopefully. I worked Sunday and tonight as well and so far I’ve been doing okay. I’ve been learning recipes. I’ve gotten the hang of lattes now. I’m remembering the flavorings for different frappuccinos. Tonight, Makaela was in the back, doing dishes, and a woman walked up and ordered a Passion Tea Lemonade. I panicked. Then I took a deep breath and recited the name in my head — Passion Tea Lemonade — and realized what the recipe was. Passion Tea. Lemonade. Ice. Shake. Serve.
I’m still not very good at the job. A guy ordered a latte extra-hot and I forgot to make it extra-hot, so I had to remake it, and then nearly forgot to make the replacement extra-hot. I can’t really handle variations on the recipe yet. But, you know what? I’ve only had this job for two weeks. I think it’s okay that I’m not perfect. And I remembered tonight that this is all part of the plan. I don’t have that dream job yet. But I looked specifically for retail jobs that could cover my bills while I looked for my dream job.
I think I’m going to be okay. I think I’ve settled in enough; I think I can go out and start looking for new friends. New social opportunities. On Wednesday I’m going to go take an exercise class at the fitness center across the street. Then I’ll visit the local game store and see if there are any RPGs looking for players. I’ll start reading the GURPS manual and then find a pre-fab game online to run. I’m going to apply to volunteer at the Wake County Animal Shelter. There aren’t any historical sites in the immediate area, so I’ll cruise through a list of museums and see if there are any that are looking for volunteers.
I’ve become a crazy small pet lady. It’s time for me to branch out, learn new roads, meet new people (seriously, I only know one road here, because I live and work off of it).
This morning I managed to scoop up Sam without frightening him. His reaction was to start running all over me, exploring my arms and legs. I was able to pick him up again and hand him off to James. I’m taking it as a sign. I’ve grown up. I’ve moved beyond the bratty college student who can’t handle responsibility.
I’m feeling optimistic.
[I would have concluded with a picture of Sam but all the pictures I took were blurs]