On being a useless intellectual   1 comment

makala thinks I'm smart

Later that same day, I started singing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” while fixing a mocha frappaccino, because that song has been stuck in my head for about seven days now. I then explained to Makala that the song was stuck in my head. Makala responded by singing Christmas carols. She sang,

Oh bring us some figgy pudding
Oh bring us some figgy pudding
Oh bring us some figgy pudding
And bring some out here

Then said, “What the hell is figgy pudding? It sounds disgusting.”

I then went through a basic gist of how people celebrated Christmas in pre-1820s Western society (long story short: get drunk, sing Christmas Carols, break into rich people’s houses and demand food and drink, because Christmas was the one time of year when poor people could do that — topsy turvy!) and how those traditions funneled into modern-day society (we switched from giving stuff to poor people to giving stuff to children, because children were regarded as little better back in those days basically).

Makala listened to all of this, and then said, “Why do you even know this??”

A few minutes later Steve the Security Guy walked by and, in the midst of the conversation, bragged about how he knew everything. Makala declared that he couldn’t, because I know everything and she could prove it. Steve wandered away after a customer asked us questions about our anniversary roast.

And today, one of the cashiers came by to refill her water cup. She complained that the store was too hot, and wished that it were more like the outside. I then explained about how most stores work to keep the inside conditioners as consistent as possible, thereby blocking out any way for customers to be able to tell time. Temperature regulation, no clocks, blocking view of the windows — all to keep customers from noticing how much time has passed. The more customers linger, the more they’ll buy.

The cashier listened intently, then said, “How do you even know all that??”

“She knows everything,” Makala said. “She’s like an encyclopedia.”

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Posted September 26, 2014 by agentksilver in Personal

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One response to “On being a useless intellectual

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  1. Or a dictionary!

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