Lady: Your delivery driver uniforms have changed dramatically.
Manager: No, she’s not there yet. No! That’s girl can’t help you! Don’t-
But the Lady hangs up on the Manager.
Brooke: I heard you talking on the phone about your purse being stolen. Who did it?
Lady: I’m not sure. It was a guy with a lobster on his shirt, and-
Brooke: And a girl wearing a graduation gown?
Brooke: Robster and the Valedictorian! My arch-nemeses. They’re the reason I got into this business, you know. No one every listens or cares about your problems, even when your purse is stolen and you have to go through all the trouble of canceling your credit cards and finding new cash, and you never get that cash back, you know? But everyone is too caught up in their own problems to care about how your day is absolutely ruined.
Lady: Yes, and…
Brooke: But I will listen. I will…what’s that line?
Lady: The line?
Maggie enters, dressed as the Pizza Girl, carrying the Random Lady’s purse.
Brooke: The line from that movie. The bad one. Anyway, I’m going after the Valedictorian.
Lady: I’m going to complain to your manager.
Maggie: Excuse me, ma’am? Did you order a pizza?
Lady: Oh, yes!
Maggie: Hi, I’m the Pizza Girl. I’m new. Is this your purse?
Lady (taking the purse): Yes it is! Oh, you found it!
Maggie: I found the wallet as well, but unfortunately they took all the important things. Credit cards, cash. (takes a business card out of her pocket — or a pizza box?) Here, just in case you don’t have the numbers on-hand, here are all the customer service numbers for all the major credit card companies. Are you feeling alright?
Lady: Yes, I’m fine. Why? Do I look bad?
Maggie: No, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I can walk you to your destination if you need.
Lady: No, no, I – look, they didn’t take my car keys! I should be fine. Thank you so much.
Maggie: I know how you feel. I’ve been in…a similar situation before. You can feel free to call our phone number if you ever feel uncertain. I’ve only been doing this job for two days, and most of my jobs have been escorting people home.
Lady: I feel better already. Thank you so much (reads her nametag) Maggie.
Maggie: You have a good day, ma’am.
Lady: You too. Thank you!
Maggie: Hey, Proserpina.
Brooke: Prosperina! Queen of the Underworld.
Maggie: I thought it was Proserpina.
Brooke: Maybe in Greek, but in Rome, it’s Prosperina.
Maggie (who is correct): Oh.
Brooke: So. You must be the new girl. Pizza Girl.
Maggie: Yeah, that’s me. This is my third day on the job. I’m still pretty new at this.
Brooke: Alright, Maggie! You and me, we’ll track down the Valedictorian and Robster together!
Maggie: What, why?
Brooke: Okay! Where did you leave the Valedictorian and Robster tied up?
Brooke: The purse thieves. You captured them, right? You didn’t capture them?
Maggie: No, they were long gone. I found the purse in an alleyway.
Brooke: It’s like my mother always said: a job half-done is not done at all.
Maggie: She got her purse back, and she’ll be able to notify the credit card companies right away that her card was stolen. Not too much damage done.
Brooke: This isn’t about damage control. We’re superheroes. We’re the Good Guys. We’re not reactive. We’re proactive.
Maggie: Do you know where they went?
Brooke: No. That’s why we track them! We’ll start by looking in the place where you found the purse and then fan out from there.
Maggie: I…I wasn’t trained for this.
Brooke: Come on!
Maggie: I don’t see any reason why not.
We are taking full advantage of the space we have and they continue this conversation into the audience, looking around.
Maggie: So this is where I found the purse.
There is trash there.
Maggie: Yeah, he tried to hide it among the trash.
Brooke: Why did you look there?
Maggie: My purse was stolen when I was visiting Baltimore Harbor a few years back, we found it in a dumpster right next to the parking lot. I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to look here before checking in with the customer.
Brooke: The victim!
Maggie: The person. Who took the purse, by the way? Did you ask?
Brooke: The Valedictorian and Robster.
Maggie: Oh. Why were they stealing purses?
Brooke: It’s what they do!
Maggie: I thought they were into kidnapping?
Brooke: They’ve stolen my purse dozens of times.
Maggie: Really? Dozens?
She is not exaggerating.
Brooke: I thought that I should fight back against those bullies. That’s the only way they’ll stop.
Maggie: So I’ve heard. There’s two directions to go though. I’m thinking don’t split the party, so which way do you think they went?
Brooke: That way is a Best Buy and that way is a Burgers Down Under…why don’t you go that way (indicates the direction towards Burgers Down Under) and I’ll go that way (towards the Best Buy). That way we can cover more ground in less time.
They turn away and both giggle.
Brooke: They must have gone to Best Buy to buy expensive things with their stolen credit card! I’ll catch them by myself, and then everyone will know I’m the best superhero!
Maggie: I can get lunch while pretending to do serious superhero work! Oh no, I’m sorry, Proserpina, they weren’t anywhere to be found in the restaurant! I checked thoroughly. I think I’ll get curly fries.