When last we saw our heroes, they found out that their rescuer was a salty old pirate that had mutinied and murdered his former crew, and was using them to get off the island. So they murdered him. Then they returned home and became the toast of the town. Narcisse, in particular, was invited to join another society: the Eldritch Society, of High Elves looking to restart the old Elven Empire. Narcisse turned them down.
Thus ends our recap.
After a few weeks of max chillaxing and horse-buying, the Epsilon Society sends the Scooby Doo gang on another mission. This time, they’re going to retrieve the Eternal Ice Diamond from the very top of a high mountain, so high that dwarves don’t go that high.
After a two-week journey that was skipped over in exposition, we climbed to the top of the mountain, where there was a giant dome. We entered the dome; the icy passageway was windy and expanded from about 20 feet to forty feet, then stopped suddenly. So we stuck a stake in the ice cliff and climbed our way down, noticing along the way that there were gigantic claw marks all over the cliff, from an obviously gigantic creature. Nothing we could do about that, so we continued climbing down.
The dome was held up by gigantic ice pillars, which could act as cover. This was good, because they could act as cover, but they were also bad, because they could act as cover. Morthos turned into a giant spider and crawled across the ceiling. He returned and reported that the diamond was embedded in a pillar, out in the open, completely unguarded. However, nearby was a gigantic mousehole-type hole.
You know what I’m talking about.
Well obviously there was a monster in that mousehole. So we talked it out, and decided that Morthos would turn back into a spider and crawl across the ceiling and wait above the diamond. Narcisse would use Web to block the hole, then Mage Hand to lift the diamond to the point where Morthos could use spiderweb to lift it up. Vibe and Rollin stood on either side of the mousehole. I hid behind a pillar, to act as further cover. Thus prepared, Narcisse cast Web and then Mage Hand.
As soon as the diamond moved from its perch, the monster that was obviously inside the mousehole let out a terrible roar, shaking everything. A twelve-foot-tall Abominable Snowman burst into the Web.
“Apparently she’s female,” I said.
“It’s cold. There’s bound to be shrinkage,” said the DM.
Vibe shot the yeti with his crossbow, and Narcisse tried to cast Sleep, but neither did much good. So it became every man for himself; everyone took off running immediately. Sariel is the fastest and made it to the wall first, but that didn’t help. The Snowman managed to tear open the Web and went straight for Rollin. It looked him straight in the eyes, chilling his blood. Rollin tried to run; Vibe and Narcisse tried to provide cover and beat their own hasty retreat. But the Snowman was not to be deterred. Vibe roared; the Snowman would roar. Narcisse could distract him momentarily with a Firebolt, which seemed to cause pain and fear, but the Snowman was determined.
Sariel managed to climb up the ice cliff, where she discovered something strange: someone was coming. A lot of someones. She ducked behind and overhand and got her swords ready. Morthos hopped down from the ceiling a moment later, diamond in hand. Down below, they could see Rollin finally fall to the Snowman’s Chilling Gaze. Vibe ran and picked him up, but Rollin was paralyzed. Another Firebolt and a Moonbeam from Morthos left the Snowman injured, and he lashed out at Vibe, knocking him out cold.
Sariel came up with a daring plan: Morthos would turn into a direwolf, and Sariel would hop onto his back. Then they would ride down, and Sariel would lasso the Snowman and pull him to the ground, so he couldn’t strike so easily.
Sariel readied her lasso. Morthos transformed, tossed her onto her back, and they leaped.
None of you will understand how badass I felt, riding a
direwolf down an ice cliff while swinging a lasso
But through sheer willpower, Rollin managed to emerge from the frozen slushiness of his body and hit the Snowman with a mighty stab, twisting it into his guts. The Snowman let out a terrifying scream. His dripping blood quickly froze. Sariel managed to lasso him into place, but she was too weak to do anything.
Narcisse got another Firebolt on him. Screaming, he swiped at her, triggering her Rebuke. She pointed sternly at him, and flames sprang up all around him, melting his skin. He collapsed, screaming in pain. Rollin stabbed him in the neck, finishing him off.
We heard clapping. We turned to see Zariel, that asshole from the Eldritch Society, standing with a large group of fellow High Elves, dressed for the winter. “Congratulations,” said Zariel. “You won. You defeated the snowman and got the diamond. Use your scrolls, Gentlemen!”
The High Elves lifted up their scrolls and canted. Firebolts shot all over the place, knocking down the giant ice pillars. Morthos snatched up Vibe by the scruff and ran for the mousehole. Rollin followed close behind.
Narcisse shot out a magic missile at Zariel.
“That stings!” says Zariel. He laughed, but he was kind of hurt.
Narcisse stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry, then retreated into the mousehole with her comrades.
“You seem to be in a spot of trouble,” said Zariel. “We’ll be leaving now. Goodbye.”
The grotto was unaffected by the crumbling ice dome. It was, however, dark and smelly. Narcisse cast Dancing Lights, but nothing could be done about the smell of animal waste. We had a full rest and recovery, then used the excrement to set a fire and melt the ice. Once outside the ice dome, we discovered that the Eldritch Society had slit the throats of our sherpas.
“We had sherpas?” I asked.
“What are sherpas?” asked the eight-year-old.
Once we finally got to town a few weeks later, we became the toast of the town again. Everyone knew we had gotten the Eternal Ice Diamond for the Epsilon Society. Parties were hosted for us again. Sariel’s family was proud of her again. The Epsilon Society took the diamond away to investigate it. We recuperated. I hung out with my horse sometimes.
One day, we were sitting in the Epsilon Society headquarters, having a drink and talking shit about the Eldritch Society. A halfling servant named Jobbing entered with a package for Sariel. She thanked Jobbing for giving it to her and offered to tip him, but he declined and left.
Everyone was convinced that it was about to explode. There was no writing on it. The box was plain and shut with an unadorned wax seal. Narcisse and Morthos hid in the corner while Sariel gingerly broke the seal and opened the box. Nothing happened.
She looked inside and found two things: a business card and a signet ring. The ring belonged to her mother. The business card read:
Bring us the Diamond
23 Blunt Way
There was a spot of blood on it. It probably belong to Sariel’s mother.
The Family was a crime organization that ranked itself with family names. An Aunt was a mid-range executive, as it were. The Warrens was a bad neighborhood in the city.
“I’m not carrying that diamond into a bad neighborhood,” said Sariel.
I had to describe the relationship out loud. Sariel is the illegitimate child; she doesn’t know who her elf father is. I decided on the spot that her mother was really the only member of her family who was ever kind to her. We decided to go look at my family mansion, to see if Sariel’s mother was really gone.
When we arrived, the door was busted down. City guards were interviewing the servants. I asked an available servant what happened. They explained that some thugs in dark clothing burst into the house, tied everyone up, and kidnapped Sariel’s mother. They were very quick about it. Real professionals.
“Why is the door still open like that?” Sariel asked.
“The guards said to leave it that way.”
Sariel went upstairs and found her grandfather sitting in his study. She asked what happened; he corroborated the story. She confessed that she had received the ransom note from the Family.
“We can give them your mother’s jewelry.”
“No, you see, they want a specific diamond. I joined with the Epsilon Society, they have me steal things. I had to go and steal a diamond for them.”
“I thought you just…retrieved them.”
“Yeah, it’s called stealing, Grampa.”
“So can you just steal it back from the Epsilon Society?”
“I’m not taking a giant diamond into a bad neighborhood.”
We took a piece of Sariel’s mother’s clothing and brought it to the dogs. Morthos transformed into a direwolf and spoke with the family dogs. They explained that the strange men smelled like garbage, but their leader was a woman and she smelled like soap and candles. We asked if one of them wanted to come with us. We took Roofus with us.
We headed back to the Epsilon Society to weigh our options on what to do next.