Miley is sitting at a table outside Starbucks. She is sipping a cold drink and checking her phone. Laura enters, wearing black clothing and carrying a hot drink. Laura sits at Miley’s table.
Miley: Hey girl! How are you? It’s been forever! I’ve been worried, you haven’t been updating anywhere! You always answer my texts!
Miley: How was camping with your parents? Was it good bonding time?
Miley: I thought you were only going to be gone a week! What happened?
Laura: Ugh. I never got along with my parents. They were always telling me about how I should live life to the fullest and experience the joys of nature and eat good real food and my dad told me that being out in the wild would give you a real perspective on how fast and pointless modern day life when. Then my parents got eaten by bears.
Miley: Wait what?
Laura: Yeah. They got eaten by bears. I refused to sleep outside in the tent because I was afraid of getting eaten by bears. Then they got eaten by bears.
Miley: Oh my god.
Laura: Yeah, so I’ve been dealing with like funeral and executing their wills and with relatives and it’s been exhausting. I finally got back into town last night. That’s when I texted you.
Miley: I’m so sorry.
Laura: Whatever, I never got along with my parents.
Miley: What are you going to do now?
Laura: I don’t know.
Miley: They were rich right? They left you money?
Laura: Like $15,000 a year.
Miley: What! That’s not enough for a cool apartment in the city! That’s not even enough for Starbucks!
Laura: I know. But it turns out all that time exploring the great outdoors meant that they were just constantly getting themselves into debt. All those jetskis and ski-skis cost a lot of money they didn’t have. Plus my student loans. Paying all that off is why I only have $15,000 a year.
Miley: So seriously, Laura, you need to get a job or something.
Laura: I’ve been trying! I send out ten resumes a day! No calls! No one believes me! Not even Starbucks calls me. I’m a regular! They owe me.
Miley: Well you can’t just do nothing, that’s like below the poverty line.
Laura: I am going to do nothing, but I’ve got a plan. I’m going to live with relatives.
Laura: During the eulogy I played up the boo-hoo me, all alone in the world. So I got a bunch of emails from relatives saying that I could live with them. I need you to help me go through them and figure out which relative I’m going to live with.
Miley: You’re just going to mooch off them? That’s not cool.
Laura: Obviously not. I’m going to say that I’m writing a novel. And maybe I will! I’m good with words. This is perfect. I’ve got feelings, right? My parents died. So I’ve got feelings, and an English degree, and lots of free time. I should totally write a novel. No one can complain. I’m working. I’m writing. All I need is a safe place to live and eat while I write. Come on, Miley. Help me decide who is going to be my muse.
Miley: Well…I do like judging people…
Laura: That’s my Miley. Come on.
She pulls out a cell phone or tablet or something.