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So for a space of about two weeks, I played a mobile game called Episode, which was a choose-your-own adventure type game. There were a variety of stories, but the whole thing seemed to be catered to and written by high-school-age girls. For the first week or so I found this fascinating to delve into, from a more grown-up perspective. What were the expectations that teenage girls had for romance? What did they expect the adult world to be like? How do they expect situations, awkward or dangerous, to be resolved?

I was surprised by how clingy the male leads were expected to act. I was surprised by the sheer amount of rich do-nothings. I was surprised how many romantic leads were interested in fashion.

As the novelty wore off I became more impatient with the game. The games always had a romantic subplot. I’m barely interested in romantic subplots written by professional writers. Heck, my own romantic subplot was only ever interesting to me because I was the female lead. I could only watch so many poorly-animated underage men drool over underage girls in fashionable dresses before I lost my interest. And I was mostly playing mystery novels.

I nowadays mostly play My Cafe, in which you run a coffee shop and gossip with customers, or Make Hexa, in which you make hexagons. We’ll see how long those hold my interest.

But my homemade calzone is in the oven, James is out of town, the cats are refusing to finish their breakfasts, and I have applied for three jobs today. The same games keep getting advertised on my apps: Bubble Witch 3, Supermarket Tycoon, Mobile Strike, Word Cookies, Gardenscapes, Island Experiment (whose ads make me feel like I have child porn on my screen, seriously marketers you need to get rid of that).

But the absolute stupidest-looking one that keeps getting advertised is Is-it Love? Ryan: Visual Novel

I don’t know who that is. I suppose it’s probably Ryan. But something about that makes me laugh every time I see it. SEDUCE HIM!!! It’s very effective! As if men walked around with giant SEDUCE buttons, and you just had to press the button and he would be seduced.

And also, the whole “you shall be my assistant” and you have the option to seduce him? What the heck is going on in this image?

You know what, I’m going to play it.

8:47: I have opened the game. I am talking to a “Miss Chocolate”, which is the most misleading name. She is white, and does not appears any kind of madame-looking individual. She’s just explaining that this is a choose-your-own adventure game (“you are the heroine of your own story. All the choices you make affect the story”). I wonder if this genre is so popular because a lot of people feel like they don’t have control over their lives.

8:51: Miss Chocolate explained the energy system and has now asked me my name. I think I’ll go with Schadenfreude? If that’s too long I’ll go with Sadie Hawkins. Sadie.

8:52: Miss Chocolate says “Hawkins” will be my name for the whole story so I guess I don’t ever marry in a conservative enough fashion to get a name change.

8:54: “Everything here reminds you that you’re part of something big and of fresh young people who have decided to dedicate their lives to their work…”

First of all, game, don’t tell me how to feel. Second of all, who the heck thinks like that? Aren’t I young? Doesn’t this take me out of the game and make me feel old?

8:58: They served us “the best petit-fours” at the office party? I love me some petit-fours, but I hope that’s not all they served because seriously?

8:59: “Matt looks at me smirking with resignation”

9:02: Now that I’m alone in the building, “something unexpected is about to happen, I can feel it” (Pfft $firstname! You watch too many movies!)

9:03: “My eyes turn back to my [phone] screen and I decide to start my favourite game up. It’s an interactive romance where the heroine that I play has a passionate love affair with her boss”

I feel very angry and annoyed. I smirk in annoyance.

“That’s something that’ll never happen to me… Honestly, I really don’t see how a powerful man could fall for somebody like me…”

9:07: I guess I’m meeting the boss right now, in the elevator? He’s “athletic looking” and has “subtle” perfume, and “his hands are those of a young man”

I smirk in confusion.

9:08: the elevator is falling? This is the most interesting thing. Maybe she’ll wake up in the hospital and fall in love with a nurse or something.

9:09: “actually being locked in an elevator with a total stranger is exciting. My temperature rises…I can feel nothing else but the presence of this total stranger and the blood beating in my temples” down girl

9:11 “we stay a moment like this as if he were reading my state of mind” GIRL YOU ARE DRUNK, YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO MAKE OUT WITH STRANGERS IN AN ELEVATOR WHEN THEY HAVEN’T EVEN TALKED TO YOU

9:13: “I’m locked between his warm body and the cold steel of the elevator wall. I can feel that he’s placed an arm next to my face to better control the situation” oh my god this is turning into a rape

9:14: Seriously, this game is not giving me any options to let me pull away. There was one option that let me stop the situation, I pressed it, because gross, this situation is gross and rapey, and instead it just gave the text the ability to continue melting into this rapist stranger’s arms. DRUNK GIRL. LOCKED ROOM. NO WORDS EXCHANGED. NOTHING HAS BEEN ASKED. My options right now are “let him continue [kissing Sadie without asking]” or “kiss him back” absolutely not. No way.

9:18: Sadie tries to come to her senses, but “without giving [Sadie] a chance to think, he grabs the back of [her] neck pushing [her] to kiss him again]” Still no words exchanged. She’s pulling away (how else do you interpret “coming to my senses” and he responds by GRABBING HER AND MAKING HER KISS HIM SOME MORE

HOW IS THIS NOT RAPE

9:20: They are undressing and moaning and “my conscience is telling me to stop everything right now. I’m not that kind of girl!” as if this were a moral decision when THIS GUY IS RAPING HER

9:22: he’s holding her “in such a way that [she] can’t see his face]” SADIE YOU ARE BEING RAPED. WHY IS RAPE BEING MARKETED AS ROMANCE.

9:23: “try to catch a glimpse of him” uh, yeah “who are you” “you won’t know who I am” LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT I’M GOING TO THE POLICE

9:33: [coworker] is so gossipy. Oh, let’s gossip about [another coworker]

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Posted June 15, 2017 by agentksilver in Uncategorized

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