Archive for the ‘emily’ Tag

An alternative reason for Emily to get mad at Maggie without having to introduce a subplot   Leave a comment

Somewhere on campus, I don’t know. Emily is walking with some scruffy-looking nerf herder. She is wearing a birthday tiara and possibly some other birthday-related accouterments. (no, not a birthday suit)

Maggie enters from the opposite direction. She is still dressed as Pizza Girl and is looking distracted.

Emily: Maggie! Maggie, oh thank goodness.
Maggie: Oh, good.
Emily: I was worried you wouldn’t show up! You weren’t in class at all for the final. I thought something had happened.
Maggie: Oh…no, everything is alright.
Emily: Okay good. We can hang out now! I can ditch this guy. (whispers) He’s a redditor.
That Guy: You’re so lucky to be a girl. You can just pretend to be into nerdy things and then guys will just flock to you. You don’t even have to be invested in things like I have to. I have to pretend to not be a nerd. It must be really validating.
Emily: Ew.
Maggie: Gross.

They walk away.

Maggie: How do you find these people?
Emily: He’s friends with my math tutor.
Maggie: You have a math tutor?
Emily: Yeah, for like weeks. The only way I’m going to get into grad school is if I have a 3.5 or better!
Maggie: You’re going to grad school?
Emily: Yes?

Maggie stares at Emily. Emily poses, clearly trying to get Maggie to notice the birthday attire.

Maggie: Oh, that reminds me.
Emily: Yes?
Maggie: Am I…self-centered? Am I bad about noticing other people’s feelings?

Brooke enters hereabouts.

Emily: What?
Maggie: I teamed up briefly with another superhero today, and then I caught the bad guy so she got mad because we couldn’t share credit. It just makes me wonder if I’m bad at thinking about other people. I know I save people all the time, but do I really care about people?
Emily: Yes. Yes you really are an idiot.
Maggie: Oh!
Emily: Oh?
Maggie: That was blunt.
Emily: It’s my birthday!
Maggie: Oh! Happy birthday.
Emily: I don’t normally dress like this. This isn’t how normal people dress.
Maggie: I don’t really pay attention to…
Emily: You don’t pay attention to anything! You’re just so caught up in this new job of yours, you don’t care about anything! You don’t care about me! It’s all Maggie!
Maggie: Well to be fair everything that you say kind of runs together. It’s either tumblr this or Heat Shield that.
Emily: Oh well excuse me for having outside interests! At least I have the courtesy to say “how are you”! But no, with you it’s just blah blah blah, linguistics linguistics pizza pizza.
Maggie: At least I’m doing something with my life instead of sitting in front of a computer watching other people do things!

Emily turns and runs away

Maggie: Emily — wait! No! I’m sorry! I ruined your birthday!
Emily: Are you going to make this all about you too?

Emily exits. Maggie exits. Brooke giggles and exits.

Posted August 6, 2015 by agentksilver in writing

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Final Scene   Leave a comment

Valedictorian and Brooke enter, from opposite sides.

Brooke: Valedictorian!
Valedictorian: Ah, look, the Undead Queen.
Brooke: It’s Prosperina! Where’s your minion, you bully?
Valedictorian: He’s my boyfriend, and he’s been taken. I need assistance. I believe you offered? Is the offer still standing?
Brooke: No! You’re weak! I can take you! And then I’ll be the hero!
Valedictorian: Pizza Girl will still be the hero. You’ll just be the afterthought. As always. But there’s always room for one more villain.

A beat, as Brooke considers.

Brooke (shouting): Help! Help! Someone save me!
Valedictorian: What are you doing?
Brooke: Help! I’m being attacked! I’m right over here! Someone come save me!

Valedictorian attacks her, but Brooke easily fends her off.

Brooke: Help! Help me! Help!
Maggie and Emily enter. Maggie grabs Valedictorian from behind, pinning her arms. Valedictorian screams and kicks her legs. When she stops, Emily grabs her feet.

Maggie: Hey, Proserpina –
Emily: Brooke –
Maggie: Are you okay?
Brooke: I’m good.
Maggie: Okay.
Emily: What now? Do we hand her over to the police?
Maggie: No, she always manages to get her away somehow. Let’s bring her into custody ourselves, and make sure she doesn’t get away this time.

They start exiting.

Emily: I’m sorry I brought a strange guy over without your permission.
Maggie: I’m sorry I cause so much trouble.
Emily: Nah, it’s fun. You’re my sister.
Maggie: Sister from another mister.
Emily: Sister from another hyster!
Maggie: Hah!

They exit.

Brooke has watched them go. She smiles.

Brooke: I’m so good. I’m the best. One hero and one villain. One town. And now that the Valedictorian is out of the way…no one is going to stop me.

Penultimate scene   Leave a comment

Emily is tied up and held in the middle of several force-field-emitters. She has the mind-control Machine on her head. Valedictorian and Robster are fiddling with the other Machine.

Valedictorian: The Machine is primed! All we need now the location to send our signal! Which is…the White House! What’s the address for the White House?
Robster: You don’t know?
Valedictorian: Do you? Is it 1400 or 1600?
Robster: I don’t know.
Valedictorian: Well, find out!

Robster goes to get his phone.

Emily: I know the answer. You want the White House, don’t you? I know the address to the White House. It’s 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Valedictorian: Should we trust her?
Robster: We do have her tied up and at our mercy.
Valedictorian: Yes, so she’s trying to bargain with us. Watch this, I’ll trick her.

Maggie enters. She spots a bottle of chloroform and a rag sitting on a table. She picks up the chloroform and the rag, pours some chloroform on the rag, and sneaks up on Robster.

Valedictorian: Alright, fffffriend, if you tell us what we want to know, then we will set you free.
Emily: It’s 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Valedictorian: Aha! I was lying! I was never going to set you free!

Chloroform takes a while to work. Robster and Maggie get into a silent, furious fight.

Emily: Hah! I was lying! It’s 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue!
Valedictorian: You can’t lie. You’re a hostage!
Emily: Then which one is it? Is it 1400 or 1600? You’ll never know.
Valedictorian: She beat me at my own game! Robster! Robster?

Robster has lost the game. So have you.

Valedictorian: So! You have defeated my boyfriend! You think you’re so clever! You can’t hurt me – I’m the one who knows how to deactivate the force fields holding your little friend hostage! In fact, if I turn the power up more, maybe it will start to get a little buzzy over there…
Maggie: Whoa whoa whoa! What do you want, Valedictorian?
Valedictorian: What do I want? I want the same thing I have always wanted! I want the world at my fingertips! I want all the power and all the money to do anything I have ever wanted! I’m going to use my power to negotiate with the President of the United States! The whole world will be at my disposal!
Maggie: Power? What power? All you have is a science lab your boyfriend pays for. You can’t even stand up in a fight!
Valedictorian: You fools place too much emphasis on physical strength.

She flips the switch or pulls the lever or whatever. Emily screams and goes limp. Maggie runs for Emily.

Valedictorian: Do you see those emitters? They emit photons at 299,792,458 meters per second!

Maggie stops and stares at Emily. Emily suddenly sits up straight.

Emily: Where am I? What is this place? Seriously, where am I?

She looks down at her body and freaks out.

Valedictorian: It worked!

She cackles.

Valedictorian: Mr. President, I have switched your mind with that of a feeble-minded college student! I have, in my possession, a virus that grants me access to the entire entire. Every line of code, every small bit of information, it is all mine. Now, I’m willing to offer the country a deal, Mr. President.
Emily: I’m not the president. I’m a White House intern.
Valedictorian: What?
Emily: I’m just an intern. They didn’t prepare me for this!
Valedictorian: No, that’s not true.
Emily: This is impossible.

Emily collapses.

Valedictorian: No…no! My brilliant Machine! My plan! It’s all useless now!

She runs offstage. This leaves Maggie and Emily alone onstage. Maggie looks back and forth between the exit and Emily, caught in indecision. She first walks one way, then another. Then she examines the force-field-emitters. Then she walks back to the exit. Then she looks at the emitters again. She holds her hand close to the field being generated, fearfully. Then, still fearful, she pushes her hand closer and closer to the force field…and then runs her hand through the whole thing. Having done so safely, she laughs.

Maggie: It’s just light.

She goes to Emily and sits her up, unties her. She taps Emily’s face a few times, but Emily fails to wake up. Maggie goes to the workstation, finds an item she finds particularly smelly, and then goes and waves it under Emily’s nose. Emily wakes up, coughing.

Maggie: Who am I talking to?
Emily: What?
Maggie: What’s your name?
Emily: Emily…Emily Snab. We’ve been best friends since fifth grade.
Maggie: Good. Are you feeling okay?
Emily: I have just the worst headache. What happened? I dreamt I was sitting at in a cubicle. People were ordering lunch.
Maggie: I’ll explain later. The bad guy got away.
Emily: What? We have to go catch them.
Maggie: You’re not in any condition to move.

But Emily has already stood up. She stumbles a bit, but then regains her balance and starts heading for the exit. Emily and Maggie exit.

Short but Sweet   Leave a comment

Maggie enters, frantic. She could enter into the audience, I don’t know. She enters is the point.

Maggie is asking where Emily is, calling for Emily, etc. etc. I don’t really feel like I need to write that out. She could even ask audience members where Emily is.

On the stage, Robster enters, dragging Emily, covering up her mouth so she can’t talk. Valedictorian follows, cackling. Maggie continues calling for Emily, but Emily can’t call out to her. Robster, Emily, and the Valedictorian exit.

The Mole enters.

Maggie: Mole! Hey, Mole!
Mole: I have a name, you now. It’s Maximilian Bartholomew Fieldworthington-Smythe the third.
Maggie: Have you seen Emily?
Mole: I have seen many Emilys.
Maggie: Have you seen my Emily?
Mole: Which one is that?
Maggie: Go away.

The Mole exits.

Maggie: There’s only one more place to look.

This stupid scene is finally written   Leave a comment

Maggie and Emily’s dorm room. Kurt is sitting on a…couch? Futon? Kurt is sitting there. Maggie enters, tired from work. She begins unloading (changing clothes) without realizing that Kurt is right there.

Maggie: Hey, I’m back. Emily, I have a serious question. You’re the best person to answer this. Should Pizza Girl have a pizza paddle as a weapon? I mean, I know I’m a delivery girl, not a pizza chef, but I helped out with making pizza tonight, and I felt so. Bangin’. You know? It was like a weapon. I should have a weapon. What do you think?
Emily (offstage): Are you trying to be the same as Pizza Boy, or do you want to be your own person?
Maggie: That’s the real question, isn’t it?
Emily (offstage): I can’t help you. You have to decide for yourself. Also, I have news.
Maggie: I know, I heard they cast Heat Shield.
Emily (offstage): And she looks so much like Heat Shield!
Maggie: I don’t think she looks like Heat Shield.

Maggie turns and sees Kurt sitting on the couch.

Emily (offstage): What do you mean? She looks so much like her. In the face. I saw on tumblr, they compared various angles of her face to different comic panels and it’s like line for line legit. It’s amazing.
Maggie: Who is this?
Emily (offstage): Oh, that’s Kurt.
Kurt (standing): Kurt Gallagher. Nice to meet you, Maggie. I’ve heard so much about you. Do you want to take a seat?
Maggie: Who are you?

Emily enters, dressed in a way that is meant to impress Kurt.

Emily: We met at the Student Union a few days ago, and he called me today to see if I wanted to hang out! He’s a professional writer.
Maggie: Do you go to school here?
Kurt: I graduated a few years ago actually.
Maggie: Then why were you hanging around at a Student Union?
Kurt: Picking up cute coeds.

He winks at Emily, who giggles.

Maggie: I see. What else do you do?
Kurt: Oh, I’m a writer. I know that Emily here is a blogger. And you’re– (Pizza Girl)
Maggie: Maggie. Emily’s best friend.
Kurt: I see.

Emily pulls Maggie aside.

Emily: I know what you’re thinking.
Maggie: Oh, good.
Emily: But don’t worry. Here’s the plan. We’ll order food, and then send you to go pick it up, and you’ll just, like, take a really really really long time to pick up the food. How does that sound?
Maggie: That’s not what I was thinking about at all.
Emily: I swear I texted you to say that I had a guy over.

Maggie checks her phone.

Maggie: Oh, yeah, yeah you did.
Emily: Then what are you so worried about?
Maggie: I don’t trust him.
Emily: Well, I trust him!

Emily goes to Kurt and hugs him.

Kurt: So, Maggie, you’re Pizza Girl.
Maggie: Who said I was?
Kurt: You did. When you walked in. How is that going?

Maggie gives Emily a look. Emily looks back, trying to say, “just go with it.”

Kurt: How did you get into superheroing, exactly? The story goes that you started out as a regular damsel in distress for Pizza Boy. Were you superheroing on the side, or did you transition from one to the next?
Maggie: I transitioned, I guess.
Kurt: What drove that decision?
Maggie: I needed a job?
Kurt: Oh, so it’s just a job for you?
Maggie: Why do you ask?
Emily: Have you seen Kurt’s blog? You should see it. I didn’t know we had a homeless population here. Kurt spent two weeks living with some homeless people just to chronicle their struggles. The photographs are beautiful. Come look, see, he has a great sense of composition.

She pulls open her laptop to get the blog.

Kurt: There’s a great underbelly in this city. The system has completely failed them and no one even sees. The bureaucrats have failed them. Families and landlords disown them. Ordinary people abuse them.
Emily: He wrote that in one of the entries.
Kurt: But no one wants to hear that. Everyone is all caught up in this superhero craze. We see superheroes in movies and now they’re in real life. I know you were talking to Emily earlier about using a paddle. Are there any other kinds of weapons that you use?
Maggie: Mostly I just sort of talk to them.
Emily: See, I found it. Look at this picture. It’s fantastic. All the busyness of the graffiti and the sleeping bags leads your eye to this corner, where the subject looks out over the drainage system. It’s fantastic.
Maggie: So you hang out with homeless people when you’re not picking up cute coeds?
Kurt: Well, I did, for this one assignment.
Maggie: Assignment?
Kurt: Oh…I mean…
Maggie: You were assigned to talk to homeless people? That’s a weird assignment. What was your next assignment? Was it to get an inside scoop on Pizza Girl?
Emily: You’re a journalist? I thought you were just a blogger.
Kurt: They can be both. A journalist is just a blogger who actually gets paid. I have student loans.
Maggie: Aren’t you supposed to get permission from a subject before you interview them? We had to learn how to make waivers that one semester we studied folklore. You didn’t ask.
Kurt: No one will tell anyone anything about this mysterious Pizza Girl. Your school won’t comment. Cheezy Pizza won’t comment. You’re one big gigantic mystery and whoever cracks the case and lets the world know could stand to make…a lot. A lot of money.
Maggie: You didn’t ask permission!
Emily: You only cared about Maggie? Everything is about Maggie! You just used me to get to Maggie!

Emily starts to run offstage.

Maggie: Emily wait!
Emily (voice cracks): My feelings are very raw right now.

Emily exits.

Kurt: So if I get a waiver, would you sign it?

Maggie shoots him a disgusted look and exits. Then she reenters.

Maggie: This is my dorm room. You have to leave.

Kurt exits. Then Maggie exits.

  Leave a comment

A public area on campus. Sierra enters. She is the Big Man on Campus (Big Woman on Campus?). An appropriate song plays while she enters, slow-motion, looking totally fine. Everyone turns in slow-motion to gaze at her awesomeness.

Emily enters, hurries to catch up with her.

Emily: Oh! Sierra! Hey! I remember you said the other day you asked if I could help you study for the midterm. Is there a time that’s good for you?

As Emily speaks, she is walking too fast for Sierra’s sexy-hott walk. She keeps having to double back to rejoin Sierra. Sierra tolerates it, because having a spaz like Emily makes her look all the more attractive.

Sierra: Whenever.
Emily: Oh! So how is Wednesday for you?
Sierra: I have Future Educators of America that night.
Emily: Oh. So how’s Thursday then?
Sierra: My Chinese Cultural Exchange is Thursday. You should come.
Emily: Well obviously not Friday, but maybe Saturday during the day?
Sierra: I’m running a flash mob at the local mall.
Emily: Sunday?
Sierra: I’m Catholic.
Emily: I would not have guessed. Well the midterm is Monday morning, so, when is a good time for you to study?
Sierra: Whenever.
Emily: Clearly Whenever is not going to work for you.

Sierra stops to confront her.

Sierra: You’re throwing off the vibe.
Emily: The vibe? The slow walk?
Sierra: Yes.
Emily: You threw off my groove! I’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the Emperor’s groove. Sorrrryyyyyyy….

Sierra gives her a calculating look.

Emily: Emperor’s New Groove? The greatest animated buddy comedy and don’t even tell me The Road to El Dorado could rival it. Okay maybe it could. The important thing is, do you still need help studying for the midterm or don’t you?
Sierra: I do, but tell me, do you like pokemon?
Emily: It’s a thing.
Sierra: You’re a nerd, aren’t you? I know this guy, he’s a total nerd too.
Emily: What’s he like?
Sierra: He likes pokemon and comic books.
Emily: Okay, but is he nice? Funny? Good-looking?
Sierra: I don’t know, he’s a nerd.
Emily: You’re kind of a bitch, aren’t you?

No one has ever called Sierra a bitch to her face before.

Emily: Have fun on your mid-term, okay?


Listen, I have absolutely no idea what to do with this dialogue. Where it would go. What purpose it would serve. But it flows. It might make Sierra seem more important than she is? Or maybe make Emily seem less confident than she…maybe it would make Emily seem like a bigger character, less auxiliary. Or maybe Emily should just be an auxiliary character. Maybe I’m working myself up over nothing. Maybe I should cut a lot of the subplots and just stick with the Maggie/Pizza Boy/Valedictorian thing. I don’t know. I can’t decide, and I’m frozen over indecision over this.

Plus, like, Emily calls Sierra a bitch and that’s kind of a bad word and I did intend this play to be for children.

The Adventures of Pizza Boy and Maggie: Brooke was always friends with Maggie   Leave a comment

Maggie and a policewoman sit on a bench. Maggie is sipping a juice.

Policewoman: Do you feel better?

Maggie nods.

Policewoman: Who do you have picking you up?

Maggie shrugs.

Policewoman: I ask because it’s possible to have the police take you home. I know you’ve been through a lot today. Some people feel better when the police take them home. (no response) And if you need, we can check out you later tonight or tomorrow morning. We can stop by your house, or call your phone, just to make sure you’re feeling alright. (no response) Or you do you live in a dorm?

Maggie nods.

Policewoman: What are you studying?
Maggie: Linguistics.
Policewoman: Oh. That sounds…interesting?
Maggie: It is. It’s amazing how much our perception of the world is shaped by our language. We speak English. In English, you have to put a subject on something. You can say the egg was broken but we don’t speak like that most of the time. We say he broke the egg. In other languages, you can even say broken egg and have that be a complete thought. But not in English. We have to blame someone.
Policewoman: Huh.
Maggie: Yeah.

Emily and Brooke enter.

Emily and Brooke: Maggie!
Maggie: Emily! Brooke!
Brooke: We got here as quickly as we could.
Emily: Are you okay?
Maggie: Where’s Uncle Gary? I thought they had to call family. Where’s Uncle Gary?
Emily: We’re practically sisters. Sister from another mister.
Maggie: Sister from another hyster.

Maggie and Emily laugh. This is a long-running joke with them.

Emily: But your uncle couldn’t make it. He called me. I said I could get a ride.
Policewoman: If you’re not comfortable with getting a ride home from your friends, we can always drive you home.
Maggie: No, they’re fine.
Emily: Fine. Acceptable.
Maggie: Tolerable.
Emily: She doesn’t smell too horrible.
Maggie: Her face isn’t wretched.
Policewoman: Alright, I’ll leave you two to it. We’ll call you tomorrow morning, just to check on you.
Maggie: Thank you for waiting.
Policewoman: And put off doing paperwork for a bit? Thank you. Have a good night.
Maggie: Thank you.

Policewoman exits.

Emily: So no, seriously, Mags.
Maggie (Mags????): No.
Emily: Are you okay.
Maggie: Yes. I’m fine. They caught them red-handed. They can’t hurt me. They won’t hurt me.

Brooke and Emily frown at her.

Maggie: Why couldn’t Uncle Gary make it?
Brooke: She’s not telling us something.
Emily: She wouldn’t hide something from us, we love her and she loves us and all is well and good in the land of Maggie and Friends.
Brooke: We are very open with our friend Maggie.
Emily: She is very open with us.
Maggie: The robbers said they would come for me. One of them specifically said that.
Brooke: That is scary.
Emily: They’re behind bars though. They’ll stay that way.
Brooke: They could post bail.
Emily: Brooke!
Brooke: They’d probably get off on a technicality.
Emily: Someone’s been watching too many forensics shows.
Brooke: Or have a better lawyer than the DA.
Emily: Those are all formulaic and super terrible. I was reading just the other day how absolutely biased those are.
Brooke: You just can’t trust the law to do the right thing. It’s always an election somewhere.

Emily pulls Brooke aside. They have a wide, gesticulating conversation in which Brooke comes to the understanding that comforting Maggie is more important right now. They return to Maggie.

Brooke: Maggie, I love you and sincerely believe that no harm will come to you. Ever. Do you know what you need?

Maggie shakes her head.


It actually doesn’t matter what song they sing – it should be a fun/overdramatic song that’s easy to rock out too, like “Bohemian Rhapsody” “Don’t Stop Believing” “Wake Me Up Inside” and the like. Or “Let It Go” since this is supposedly a play for kids, I don’t know. The three actresses should just totally rock out and have fun singing this song and maybe the audience should be encouraged to sing along too because because because.

Posted February 9, 2015 by agentksilver in writing

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