Archive for the ‘kurt gallagher’ Tag

This stupid scene is finally written   Leave a comment

Maggie and Emily’s dorm room. Kurt is sitting on a…couch? Futon? Kurt is sitting there. Maggie enters, tired from work. She begins unloading (changing clothes) without realizing that Kurt is right there.

Maggie: Hey, I’m back. Emily, I have a serious question. You’re the best person to answer this. Should Pizza Girl have a pizza paddle as a weapon? I mean, I know I’m a delivery girl, not a pizza chef, but I helped out with making pizza tonight, and I felt so. Bangin’. You know? It was like a weapon. I should have a weapon. What do you think?
Emily (offstage): Are you trying to be the same as Pizza Boy, or do you want to be your own person?
Maggie: That’s the real question, isn’t it?
Emily (offstage): I can’t help you. You have to decide for yourself. Also, I have news.
Maggie: I know, I heard they cast Heat Shield.
Emily (offstage): And she looks so much like Heat Shield!
Maggie: I don’t think she looks like Heat Shield.

Maggie turns and sees Kurt sitting on the couch.

Emily (offstage): What do you mean? She looks so much like her. In the face. I saw on tumblr, they compared various angles of her face to different comic panels and it’s like line for line legit. It’s amazing.
Maggie: Who is this?
Emily (offstage): Oh, that’s Kurt.
Kurt (standing): Kurt Gallagher. Nice to meet you, Maggie. I’ve heard so much about you. Do you want to take a seat?
Maggie: Who are you?

Emily enters, dressed in a way that is meant to impress Kurt.

Emily: We met at the Student Union a few days ago, and he called me today to see if I wanted to hang out! He’s a professional writer.
Maggie: Do you go to school here?
Kurt: I graduated a few years ago actually.
Maggie: Then why were you hanging around at a Student Union?
Kurt: Picking up cute coeds.

He winks at Emily, who giggles.

Maggie: I see. What else do you do?
Kurt: Oh, I’m a writer. I know that Emily here is a blogger. And you’re– (Pizza Girl)
Maggie: Maggie. Emily’s best friend.
Kurt: I see.

Emily pulls Maggie aside.

Emily: I know what you’re thinking.
Maggie: Oh, good.
Emily: But don’t worry. Here’s the plan. We’ll order food, and then send you to go pick it up, and you’ll just, like, take a really really really long time to pick up the food. How does that sound?
Maggie: That’s not what I was thinking about at all.
Emily: I swear I texted you to say that I had a guy over.

Maggie checks her phone.

Maggie: Oh, yeah, yeah you did.
Emily: Then what are you so worried about?
Maggie: I don’t trust him.
Emily: Well, I trust him!

Emily goes to Kurt and hugs him.

Kurt: So, Maggie, you’re Pizza Girl.
Maggie: Who said I was?
Kurt: You did. When you walked in. How is that going?

Maggie gives Emily a look. Emily looks back, trying to say, “just go with it.”

Kurt: How did you get into superheroing, exactly? The story goes that you started out as a regular damsel in distress for Pizza Boy. Were you superheroing on the side, or did you transition from one to the next?
Maggie: I transitioned, I guess.
Kurt: What drove that decision?
Maggie: I needed a job?
Kurt: Oh, so it’s just a job for you?
Maggie: Why do you ask?
Emily: Have you seen Kurt’s blog? You should see it. I didn’t know we had a homeless population here. Kurt spent two weeks living with some homeless people just to chronicle their struggles. The photographs are beautiful. Come look, see, he has a great sense of composition.

She pulls open her laptop to get the blog.

Kurt: There’s a great underbelly in this city. The system has completely failed them and no one even sees. The bureaucrats have failed them. Families and landlords disown them. Ordinary people abuse them.
Emily: He wrote that in one of the entries.
Kurt: But no one wants to hear that. Everyone is all caught up in this superhero craze. We see superheroes in movies and now they’re in real life. I know you were talking to Emily earlier about using a paddle. Are there any other kinds of weapons that you use?
Maggie: Mostly I just sort of talk to them.
Emily: See, I found it. Look at this picture. It’s fantastic. All the busyness of the graffiti and the sleeping bags leads your eye to this corner, where the subject looks out over the drainage system. It’s fantastic.
Maggie: So you hang out with homeless people when you’re not picking up cute coeds?
Kurt: Well, I did, for this one assignment.
Maggie: Assignment?
Kurt: Oh…I mean…
Maggie: You were assigned to talk to homeless people? That’s a weird assignment. What was your next assignment? Was it to get an inside scoop on Pizza Girl?
Emily: You’re a journalist? I thought you were just a blogger.
Kurt: They can be both. A journalist is just a blogger who actually gets paid. I have student loans.
Maggie: Aren’t you supposed to get permission from a subject before you interview them? We had to learn how to make waivers that one semester we studied folklore. You didn’t ask.
Kurt: No one will tell anyone anything about this mysterious Pizza Girl. Your school won’t comment. Cheezy Pizza won’t comment. You’re one big gigantic mystery and whoever cracks the case and lets the world know could stand to make…a lot. A lot of money.
Maggie: You didn’t ask permission!
Emily: You only cared about Maggie? Everything is about Maggie! You just used me to get to Maggie!

Emily starts to run offstage.

Maggie: Emily wait!
Emily (voice cracks): My feelings are very raw right now.

Emily exits.

Kurt: So if I get a waiver, would you sign it?

Maggie shoots him a disgusted look and exits. Then she reenters.

Maggie: This is my dorm room. You have to leave.

Kurt exits. Then Maggie exits.

Pizza Boy and Maggie: the exciting conclusion to the team-up   Leave a comment

At Burger Down Under, an Australian-themed cheap burger joint. Valedictorian is working on a new laptop. Robster is watching her, but he is bored. There are other people sitting at the restaurant: specifically, Kurt is sitting at one table, looking at his cell phone and eating, and two policemen are sitting out of Valedictorian and Robster’s sight.

Robster: This seems weird.
Valedictorian: This won’t take much time.
Robster: But we’re here without buying anything. Isn’t that weird? People come here to eat. Well, they come inside to eat.
Valedictorian: You just want a burger.
Robster: Yes, a Queensland Burger with some Great Sandy Fries. Do you want anything?
Valedictorian: A Victorian Shake. And curly fries.
Robster: You can just share some of my fries.
Valedictorian: I don’t share.
Robster: Ashley…
Valedictorian: I don’t like the extra spices on the Sandy fries. Who eats food called Sandy anyway? What were they thinking?
Robster: That they’re delicious. I’ll be back soon.

He kisses her cheek and exits. Valedictorian works at the laptop silently. Maggie enters, with a bag of food and a soda. She stops and looks at the Valedictorian. She visibly tries to decide if she should approach her or not. A decision is weighed and measured. Then she sighs and approaches the Valedictorian.

Maggie: Oh hey Valedictorian, what are you doing?
Valedictorian: I’m almost there. (she registers who is speaking) Pizza…Girl. My, how you’ve grown. I’m checking my Facebook while my boyfriend buys lunch.
Maggie: Oh.
Valedictorian: Does that defy your expectations? Did you assume that we were constantly committing some crime? That our every waking minute was spent writhing in pure illegality?
Maggie: No.
Valedictorian: Hmf.
Maggie: You just don’t strike me as the kind of person who has a Facebook account.
Valedictorian: Well I do. Facebook is wonderful! You can catch up with all your friends, old and new. See what they’re doing. See what they’re interested in. See where they go, when they’re they’re not at home, where they might live, their favorite activities, their birthday, their anniversaries, their job, their potential income, old addresses, the names of their children and pets, events they attend, what they had for lunch. You see, this is called data, and everyone uses the same data to create things. Identities. Passwords. The same thing that attracts marketers to the gold mine of demographic information is the very same thing that attracts bad people, bad people like me. I can use this information and can become more powerful than anyone ever imagined. Imagine I could hack into your Facebook account and see that your brother is in Nairobi and that your Uncle’s cat is named Marty McFly. (That is, indeed, where Maggie’ brother is and her uncle’s cat is indeed Marty McFly) Now imagine that you are very stupid, which shouldn’t be very hard. Stupid people have bad memories. They use the same passwords over and over and over again. Maybe you think you’re smart, and you rotate through six different passwords. But you still need to remember those passwords. You grab them from little memorable bits of your life. Your Uncle’s cat is Marty McFly, and his bank is First Commonwealth, and he was born May 12, 1962 and graduated from Portland State University on May 28, 1984. And imagine that, his password is HeyMcFly056284. I can do that for anyone, at any time, using only the information on their Facebook page, which I am now free to peruse thanks to my little virus that allows me to run amok through the channels of whatever website I choose to upload it.

Robster enters with food and sits down, distributing food between the two of them. Maggie has not moved this entire time. Valedictorian continues uninterrupted. Everyone is listening to her now.

Valedictorian: No one checks their bank account every day. No one will notice if one or two dollars goes missing. Most thieves make a mistake. They do one or two dollars, just to see if the system works, and then they make a giant purchase. Something noticeable. But I am patient. I have access to millions of people’s information. I will use it to my ends. You’re very clever, getting me to reveal all of this. But no matter. There’s nothing anyone can do about it anyway.

The two police officers stand up.

First Police Officer: That sounded like a confession to me.
Second Police Officer: We might need to continue this conversation elsewhere.
Robster: But the fries just came out of the fryer.

Brooke enters.

Valedictorian (to Maggie): You set this all up, didn’t you? You clever bitch.
First Police Officer: We can take it from here.

The Police Officers handcuff Valedictorian and Robster. Robster continues protesting about leaving the fries behind.

Second Police Officer: Great work, Pizza Girl. I wish we had more heroes like you in the city.

The police officers lead Valedictorian and Robster offstage. They nearly run into Brooke, who has to step aside to let them by.

Brooke: I can’t believe it. I thought you were going to call me if you found something. I thought we were a team. I guess there’s only room for one hero in this town.

Brooke exits. Maggie continues to just stand in the same place as before.

Kurt picks up his phone and dials. He picks up one of Robster’s fries, gives a small wave to Maggie, and exits.

The Adventures of Pizza Boy and Maggie: Restaurant Scene   Leave a comment

This scene gets rewritten so many times in my head I swear. This is what I have so far.

It’s finally Trivia Night and Emily has finally arrived. She is sitting at a table set for three, looking around eagerly. There should be other patrons at the bar, including Kurt Gallagher. Emily is very excited for all sorts of reasons. Maggie enters and sits at the table.

Maggie: It was kind of a slow night at Cheezy Pizza, so they showed me how to make a pizza! I made a pizza! People ate a thing I made! They paid for it! I need your opinion on something. Should Pizza Girl have a pizza paddle as a weapon? I mean, I know I’m a delivery girl, not a pizza chef, but I felt so bangin’. It was like a weapon. I should have a weapon. What do you think?
Emily: Are you trying to be the same as Pizza Boy, or do you want to be your own person?
Maggie: That’s the real question, isn’t it?
Emily: I can’t help you. You have to decide for yourself. Also, I have news.
Maggie: I know, I heard they cast Heat Shield.

This is not Emily’s news, but she is excited about it nonetheless.

Emily: And she looks so much like Heat Shield!
Maggie: I don’t think she looks like Heath Shield.
Emily: What do you mean? She looks so much like her. In the face. I saw on tumblr, they compared various angles of her face to different comic panels and it’s like line for line legit. It’s amazing.
Maggie: She’s a model. She’s really skinny. That’s one of the things I like about Heat Shield, she has the thick thighs and arms. She looks powerful. She looks capable of carrying around life-saving equipment. But the actress, whatever her name is, she looks like a twig. I could break her in two.
Emily: Well they cast her for looks. She can put on muscle.

Kurt returns to the table, carrying three drinks. He distributes them on the table.

Kurt: You must be Maggie! I brought you a Sprite.
Maggie: Oh, thanks. Hey, when you have a second, can you bring me a menu?

Kurt and Emily exchange a look. Kurt laughs and sits down at the third seat.

Kurt: I was a waiter all through college, I guess I do give off that waiter-y vibe.

Kurt is Emily’s big news.

Emily: Maggie, this is Kurt. We met today at the student union. He just walked right up to me and said hi!
Kurt: Hi.
Maggie: Hello.
Kurt: The service here is atrocious.
Emily: I think just because it’s trivia night. There must be a lot more people here than-
Kurt: So I just got our drinks from the bar.

Emily gives Maggie a big grin. Maggie already doesn’t like him, but puts on a smile.

Maggie: Nice to meet you, Kurt. You graduated from college, huh? What were you doing at the student union?
Kurt: Picking up cute coeds.

He winks at Emily, who swoons, I guess? She reacts in a positive manner? Look, I don’t know how people act okay. I sit alone at my computer underneath a blanket and write things and sometimes I crawl out and make pizza. I do not know how people who are infatuated act. She does a thing that infatuated people do.

Maggie: I see. What else do you do?
Kurt: Oh, I’m a writer. I know that Emily here is a blogger. What do you like to do?
Maggie: I’m a linguistics major.
Kurt: Yes, and is there anything else that you do when you’re not in class?
Maggie: Well obviously I hang out with Emily. We’ve been planning trivia night for months, did you know that you’re the third person we’ve invited to these?
Emily: And speaking of which, we should pick out our team name. I was thinking about going with our initials. MEK. Or KEM.
Maggie: Mecha.
Emily: I like it. Mecha Pilots.
Kurt: I don’t get it. Mecha?
Maggie: It’s a pretty basic anime concept.
Emily: It’s like human-shaped spaceships so you can have giant space battles but maneuver more instinctively. They showed it in District Nine and Pacific Rim.
Maggie: Excellent movies.
Emily: Indeed. So I was thinking that you probably want pickle chips, and I know I want buffalo wings, so maybe each of us can get our own appetizer and I don’t think we’ll need entrees, what do you think?
Maggie: I don’t think I’ll be satisfied with just pickle chips.
Emily: Oh, so maybe dessert? Let’s see what desserts they have.
Kurt: Maybe we should get pizza. Do you like pizza?

The way he says it is very suspicious. Maggie stares at him.

Emily: Oh, Maggie works for a pizza place, she’s probably sick of it by now. I love pizza though. Maybe we can split a pizza.
Kurt (fake-surprise): Oh, you work for a pizza place?
Emily: How did you know…?
Kurt: I didn’t. I’m surprised to learn that. How long have you been working there? When did you start delivering pizzas? Do you enjoy it? What made you want to deliver pizzas?
Maggie: She didn’t say that I deliver pizzas. She just said I work there.

Emily and Maggie exchange a very significant look: this guy is very suspicious, should they even be sitting at the same table as him?

This is about the time that I realized the scene was, once again, going in a different direction than I want. But how do I want the scene to end, anyway? I need to brush my teeth and head on out anyway.