Archive for the ‘writing’ Tag

Pizza Boy and Maggie: A team-up of less-epic-than-expected proportions   Leave a comment

[Note: this scene is directly after the death of Pizza Boy]

A random street. Valedictorian and Robster are walking around, looking no worse for the wear.

Valedictorian: With the Pizza Boy gone, we can proceed with our plans unencumbered. I can run Amok!
Robster: We can run amok.
Valedictorian: No, I can. (Holds out a USB stick) Amok is the virus I’ve developed to target the personal information of everyone on Facebook.
Robster: Why?
Valedictorian: Why not?
Robster: It’s brilliant.
Valedictorian: Thank you, Robert.

Robster kisses her.

Valedictorian: Now, to find an anonymous internet source to upload our deadly virus.
Robster: There’s an internet cafe.
Valedictorian: No, they take your information.
Robster: There’s a Best Buy.
Valedictorian: They would notice if broke their computer restrictions.
Robster: There’s a McDonald’s.
Valedictorian: Brilliant! All we need is a laptop.
Robster: Where’s yours?
Valedictorian: I use a desktop.
Robster: But there’s no tower.
Valedictorian: It’s all in the monitor. Very fancy.
Robster: Yeah, but can’t bring a monitor into a McDonald’s, that would look ridiculous.

A Random Lady enters carrying a purse and talking on her phone.

Lady: The oxford comma is a crucial element to making your point clear, Miranda. The comma’s placement is an indicator–

Robster steals the purse.

Valedictorian: We run amok!
Robster: Haha!

They exit.

Lady: I’ll call you back, I have to order a pizza.

She hangs up and dials Cheezy Pizza.

Manager: Cheezy Pizza, pick-up or delivery?
Lady: Delivery.
Manager: What’s your order, ma’am.
Lady: My purse was just stolen.
Manager: We are zeroing in on your location now, ma’am. Would you like to order a pizza while you wait?
Lady: Do you have spinach as a topping?
Manager: We do.
Lady: And mozzarella? Like fresh mozzarella, not shredded.
Manager: Uh…yes! We do!
Lady: I’d like a small with spinach and mozzarella. Wait, how am I going to pay for this?
Manager: Don’t you have an account with us?
Lady: No, I’m very concerned about identity theft. So if you could hurry…
Manager: I suppose you could pay cash.
Lady They’ve probably stolen it by now. And the credit cards.
Manager: Oh. Well. We’re still sending someone to help, don’t worry about that. I just don’t think I can sell you a pizza.
Lady: This isn’t a very good system. I imagine most of your orders are for stolen purses.
Manager: Not really, ma’am, but I understand your concern.

Brooke enters.

Lady: Your delivery driver uniforms have changed dramatically.
Manager: No, she’s not there yet. No! That’s girl can’t help you! Don’t-

But the Lady hangs up on the Manager.

Brooke: I heard you talking on the phone about your purse being stolen. Who did it?
Lady: I’m not sure. It was a guy with a lobster on his shirt, and-
Brooke: And a girl wearing a graduation gown?
Lady: Yes.
Brooke: Robster and the Valedictorian! My arch-nemeses. They’re the reason I got into this business, you know. No one every listens or cares about your problems, even when your purse is stolen and you have to go through all the trouble of canceling your credit cards and finding new cash, and you never get that cash back, you know? But everyone is too caught up in their own problems to care about how your day is absolutely ruined.
Lady: Yes, and…
Brooke: But I will listen. I will…what’s that line?
Lady: The line?

Maggie enters, dressed as the Pizza Girl, carrying the Random Lady’s purse.

Brooke: The line from that movie. The bad one. Anyway, I’m going after the Valedictorian.
Lady: I’m going to complain to your manager.
Maggie: Excuse me, ma’am? Did you order a pizza?
Lady: Oh, yes!
Maggie: Hi, I’m the Pizza Girl. I’m new. Is this your purse?
Lady (taking the purse): Yes it is! Oh, you found it!
Maggie: I found the wallet as well, but unfortunately they took all the important things. Credit cards, cash. (takes a business card out of her pocket) Here, just in case you don’t have the numbers on-hand, here are all the customer service numbers for all the major credit card companies. Are you feeling alright?
Lady: Yes, I’m fine. Why? Do I look bad?
Maggie: No, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I can walk you to your destination if you need.
Lady: No, no, I – look, they didn’t take my car keys! I should be fine. Thank you so much.
Maggie: I know how you feel. I’ve been in…a similar situation before. You can feel free to call our phone number if you ever feel uncertain. I’ve only been doing this job for two days, and most of my jobs have been escorting people home.
Lady: I feel better already. Thank you so much (reads her nametag) Maggie.
Maggie: You have a good day, ma’am.
Lady: You too. Thank you!

Lady exits.

Brooke: Alright, Maggie! You and me, we’ll track down the Valedictorian and Robster together!
Maggie: What, why?
Brooke: We’re superheroes, that’s what we do! We’ll dole out some justice (punches the air)
Maggie: But justice has been served. She got her purse back.
Brooke: That’s not how justice works.
Maggie: She left happy. Maybe not happy, but you know what I mean.
Brooke: No, no, this needs to stop! This isn’t working. Good can’t just keep coming in and mopping up after Evil has done its work. Good is more than just “not evil.” Good isn’t just reactive. It should be proactive. It should stop Evil before it starts.
Maggie: Do you know where they went?
Brooke: No. That’s why we track them! We’ll start by looking in the place where you found the purse and then fan out from there.
Maggie: I…I wasn’t trained for this.
Brooke: Come on!
Maggie: I don’t see any reason why not.

We are taking full advantage of the space we have and they continue this conversation into the audience, looking around.

Maggie: So this is where I found the purse.

There is trash there.

Brooke: Ewwww.
Maggie: Yeah, he tried to hide it among the trash.
Brooke: Why did you look there?
Maggie: My purse was stolen when I was visiting Baltimore Harbor a few years back, we found it in a dumpster right next to the parking lot. I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to look here before checking in with the customer.
Brooke: The victim!
Maggie: The person. Who took the purse, by the way? Did you ask?
Brooke: The Valedictorian and Robster.
Maggie: Oh. Why were they stealing purses?
Brooke: It’s what they do!
Maggie: I thought they were into kidnapping?
Brooke: They’ve stolen my purse dozens of times.
Maggie: Really? Dozens?
Brooke: Yes!

She is not exaggerating.

Maggie: Wow.
Brooke: And it’s very disruptive, when your purse is always getting stolen! I even tried getting a new purse, but no!
Maggie: Did you ever try getting one of those wallets that just clips onto your belt?
Brooke: I’m sure they would have just taken it right off my belt.
Maggie: Or maybe gotten something that hides under your shirt.
Brooke: That would be paranoid.
Maggie: Okay. Where are we going, anyway? I feel like we’re just walking in circles.
Brooke: I don’t know.
Maggie: Alright. Well. There’s only two ways they could have gone, so, you go that way, and I’ll go this way. We’ll ask around, see if anyone has seen them. They’re a distinctive set, they’ll be noticed. We’ll meet back here in, say, 20 minutes? Or do you have your cell phone on you?

Brooke takes out her cell phone.

Maggie: Okay, awesome, let’s just exchange numbers then, and give each other a call if we find anything.

They exchange phones and start entering their information into each other’s contacts.

Brooke: This way we won’t have to double back.
Maggie: Exactly.

They give their phones back to each other.

Brooke: I’ll see you soon then.
Maggie: See you soon.

They separate.

Maggie (to herself): Okay, where’s a good place to get lunch?

Maggie exits.

Brooke walks among the audience, asking them if they’ve seen the Valedictorian and Robster. She then exits, based either on what they have to say or she exits of her own accord.

I will never give her inventions clever names, they will always be The Machine   Leave a comment

Valedictorian: Do you know what this machine does, Maggie?
Maggie: No?
Valedictorian: Did you know that the human body is the perfect conduit for quantum energy, Maggie?
Maggie: No?
Valedictorian: Well I did! And if my calculations are correct (and they are, because I am the Valedictorian, the smartest person in my graduating class), then once this machine is turned on, I will have all the energy I need to destroy the White House! But you won’t be around for all that! You will be the first meal for my machine! No matter. It’s only a pity that you won’t see the anarchy, and your beloved Washington D.C. burning to ashes!

This exchange always bothered me. Even when I first wrote it. Even when I sent it off to Sterling Playmakers for consideration in their one-act play. Even as the wonderful Sara Gray and Leandra Lynn memorized it and performed it with proper hamminess. I just…always hated it. For the first several drafts, this exchange was simply [mad science]

Part of the reason I hate it is for the same reason The Matrix doesn’t work: humans are a terrible conductor of energy. I knew it then. I know it now. But the Machine had to be deadly. Just, like, lethal, all the time, for sciencey purposes.

Now I’ve written several plays, some with Valedictorian, all with Maggie in them. I have a much better sense of the characters. The Valedictorian is driven by a need to control everything, and also she needs funding, desperately. She’s callous and immoral and doesn’t really care who lives and who dies, except that she would prefer to live (and maybe Robster can live too). The Valedictorian that I know wouldn’t actively try to kill someone. That would be a waste of everyone’s time.

The problem is that I love this exchange so much:

Valedictorian: It’s 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? Or is it 1400? I always forget.
Rob: I think 1400 is from that Simpsons episode where Lisa was the President.
Valedictorian: Really?
Rob: I think. Now you have me confused.

This makes me giggle even years after I’ve written it. I can’t even explain why. There are funnier lines. There are more clever exchanges. I don’t even think this got a laugh when it was performed. But I can’t make myself get rid of it. And because I can’t get rid of it, I’m stuck with the terrible mad science above. Without that dialogue, Valedictorian and Robster have no reason to remember the address for the White House.

…Unless the Valedictorian wants to try to exchange brains with the President and needs to make sure that the Machine works without killing either subject?

Oh man that could totally work.

  Leave a comment

A public area on campus. Sierra enters. She is the Big Man on Campus (Big Woman on Campus?). An appropriate song plays while she enters, slow-motion, looking totally fine. Everyone turns in slow-motion to gaze at her awesomeness.

Emily enters, hurries to catch up with her.

Emily: Oh! Sierra! Hey! I remember you said the other day you asked if I could help you study for the midterm. Is there a time that’s good for you?

As Emily speaks, she is walking too fast for Sierra’s sexy-hott walk. She keeps having to double back to rejoin Sierra. Sierra tolerates it, because having a spaz like Emily makes her look all the more attractive.

Sierra: Whenever.
Emily: Oh! So how is Wednesday for you?
Sierra: I have Future Educators of America that night.
Emily: Oh. So how’s Thursday then?
Sierra: My Chinese Cultural Exchange is Thursday. You should come.
Emily: Well obviously not Friday, but maybe Saturday during the day?
Sierra: I’m running a flash mob at the local mall.
Emily: Sunday?
Sierra: I’m Catholic.
Emily: I would not have guessed. Well the midterm is Monday morning, so, when is a good time for you to study?
Sierra: Whenever.
Emily: Clearly Whenever is not going to work for you.

Sierra stops to confront her.

Sierra: You’re throwing off the vibe.
Emily: The vibe? The slow walk?
Sierra: Yes.
Emily: You threw off my groove! I’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the Emperor’s groove. Sorrrryyyyyyy….

Sierra gives her a calculating look.

Emily: Emperor’s New Groove? The greatest animated buddy comedy and don’t even tell me The Road to El Dorado could rival it. Okay maybe it could. The important thing is, do you still need help studying for the midterm or don’t you?
Sierra: I do, but tell me, do you like pokemon?
Emily: It’s a thing.
Sierra: You’re a nerd, aren’t you? I know this guy, he’s a total nerd too.
Emily: What’s he like?
Sierra: He likes pokemon and comic books.
Emily: Okay, but is he nice? Funny? Good-looking?
Sierra: I don’t know, he’s a nerd.
Emily: You’re kind of a bitch, aren’t you?

No one has ever called Sierra a bitch to her face before.

Emily: Have fun on your mid-term, okay?


Listen, I have absolutely no idea what to do with this dialogue. Where it would go. What purpose it would serve. But it flows. It might make Sierra seem more important than she is? Or maybe make Emily seem less confident than she…maybe it would make Emily seem like a bigger character, less auxiliary. Or maybe Emily should just be an auxiliary character. Maybe I’m working myself up over nothing. Maybe I should cut a lot of the subplots and just stick with the Maggie/Pizza Boy/Valedictorian thing. I don’t know. I can’t decide, and I’m frozen over indecision over this.

Plus, like, Emily calls Sierra a bitch and that’s kind of a bad word and I did intend this play to be for children.

Twice-Told Tale, pt 2   Leave a comment

Dawn and the miller-knight were very happy for a time, and Dawn soon became with child. Unfortunately, Dawn did not take well to pregnancy. She lay in her upstairs chamber, sick and clammy with the pains of pregnancy. Her ladies opened up the window to ease her hot body. Dawn stared out the window for days.

“Our child will have eyes as blue as that sky,” she said. “She will be absolutely beautiful.”

“If she looks anything like you, she will be,” said the miller-knight as he dabbed her forehead with a cool cloth. He kept his wishes for a son to himself. If she spoke, she still had strength in her.

“Her skin will be as white as that cloud,” she said.

He pressed the cool cloth against the red splotches on her cheeks. Her skin was once pale and creamy, and if he had his way, it would be again.

The next day she swallowed some broth and said she felt better. The miller-knight thought it best if she tried some fresh air. Two strong men carried her in a chair down to the river. He arranged to have some servants change out the bedsheets and other linens, and called for flowers and dry herbs to be strung around the room to sweeten the air.

The small party sat by a calm tributary of the river. It would soon meet with another tributary, where the waters would flush and rush and form the strong current that ran the mill. But here, it was shaded and calm. They could see small fish and insects. The miller-knight pointed out a group of tadpoles to Dawn, who smiled at his words without looking. She was pink today. A lady sat by her chair and fanned her. Perhaps the cool air by the water would help.

The picnic lasted only for an hour or two, but when the miller-knight appeared distracted by clean-up, she complained to her ladies of how achey her bones felt; her knees, her elbows, her shoulders, her neck. She tried to smile whenever the miller-knight looked at her, but he looked at her so often. She was carried upstairs, and was delighted by the changes made to her chambers.

Dawn allowed herself to be tucked into bed and announced that she would be taking a nap. The servants and ladies all left the room. The miller-knight hesitated and ran his hand lightly over her arm before turning to leave.

“They will be frogs soon,” Dawn murmured. The miller-knight stopped and looked at her from the corner of his eye. Dawn ran a hand over her large belly. “They won’t have a lily.”

The miller-knight pinched her hand and started to leave.

“Why would they live somewhere without a lily?”

The miller-knight turned and looked at Dawn. Her eyes were on him, wide and frightened.

“Maybe they don’t need a lily pad,” said the miller-knight.

“But they do,” said Dawn. “That’s what they always say.”

He thought for a moment, and then said, “I’ll get them a lily-pad. I promise.”

She smiled.


When the child was born, she was dipped in cold river water, wrapped in a fine blanket, and brought before her father to be named. All thoughts of wanting a boy disappeared when she was sunk helplessly into her father’s arms. Her eyes were as blue as the mid-summer sky, and she quickly closed them when he had her safely in his arms. She was safe. She was beautiful.

She was named Lilian Patricia Dawn of the Mills. She was presented before her mother, who accepted her as such. The announcement therefore was sent out; the name was announced before the King in His royal court. Letters were sent to connections, merchant and genteel. Lilian Patricia Dawn was born to a noble and wealthy family. Her life would surely be one of prestige and luxury.

For the first few years of her life, it seemed to be the case. Dawn recovered from her fever, although she never regained her full strength. She laughed when she told Lily how she got her name. She brought Lily to the picnic spot often. She walked with a cane and rested frequently, with servants and ladies lagging behind, but she insisted on walking to regain her strength.

The miller-knight had indeed brought lily pads to the little picnic area, just as he had promised. The spot was a nice one for frogs, who jumped around and snapped up all the little bugs in the area. Little Lily ran to and fro, chasing bugs, grabbing worms, sticking her hands in mud, and giving random people hugs.

“She will need a friend soon,” said Dawn, watching her rub her muddy hands all over her dress. “She will need to learn how to act properly. Send out for a governess, and get for me a list of families with children just her age.”

“How old are the King’s children?” asked Lady Abigail, idly.

Lady Georgina sighed and thought. “Brendan is four,” she said. “Beatrice is six, and there are rumors that the Queen is with child again.”

“Excellent,” said Dawn. “I will have to apply to have Lily be made a lady-in-waiting for Beatrice.”

She told her ladies often of her plans for Lily. She would become lady-in-waiting to the princess, and be seen often at court. A young nobleman, a baron or a count, perhaps, would fall madly in love with her and marry her, raising her up higher in society. With such a dowry as a first-born child of the Miller-Knight, any member of the Peerage would welcome her with open arms. Perhaps Lily would own two houses instead of one. Or three houses, and spend part of the year in the city, attending court.

Lily would need to know how to dance and sing. She would need to know her letters, arithmetic, geography, literature, and history. She needed to learn herbs. Someone needed to teach her how to walk properly. The way she walked now was fine, since she was just learning to walk. But soon she would no longer be a wobble-headed toddler but a colt-legged child. She needed to learn grace and modesty.

A governess was hired when Lily was five years old. Elizabeth was barely twenty, the daughter of a shipping agent who had died recently. The miller-knight made the arrangement at his wife’s behest. She was a sweet girl, and balanced the need for Lily to behave and her need to play.

A friend for Lily was much harder to come by. The local families were much too enthralled by the wealth of the miller-knight. Finally the miller-knight and Dawn attended the funeral of a count. Dawn met with the count’s widow and saw that she had two daughters just Lily’s age. She sent for Elizabeth and Lily, and arranged a picnic for the three girls.

Posted February 10, 2015 by agentksilver in writing

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Twice-Told Tale, pt 1   Leave a comment

Once upon a time, there was a small kingdom, ever pushed-upon by its larger neighbors. The other kingdoms pushed ever farther outwards, conquering and expanding, so that the little kingdom wondered always if they, too, were about to be taken. But the people who had settled and made the small kingdom had been wise; they had chosen an area by a great river, surrounded by lush fields. The small kingdom was fertile. The people were well-fed and happy, and sent out their surplus to the surrounding kingdoms, creating strong trade alliances that all involved parties were reluctant to throw aside. Still, the people of the small kingdom were frightened of their much larger neighbors.

In time, the larger kingdoms became more technologically advanced than their smaller neighbor. A young knight of the small kingdom went and studied in one of the neighboring kingdoms, and learned about the latest and greatest in technology: mills. Strong currents pushed the wheel of the mill, which pushed another wheel, creating so much strength that pushed and pressed and made tiny pulp of the smallest and strong things. The young knight vowed to bring this technology to his small kingdom by the river.

He did; he built a grist mill by the river on his family’s lands. The people brought wheat to the mill to be ground. He separated the shaft from the seed and ground the seeds, creating flour that could be sold to bakers and families in the kingdom and in the surrounding kingdoms. So pure was this flour that merchants bought the flour sight-unseen. Just a stamp on the sack of the flour was enough to double the price of the flour.

The knight in due time became economically prosperous. As the saying goes, a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want a wife; in this case, the young knight chose for himself the prettiest young lady in the kingdom. She had golden hair and eyes the color of the morning sky. Her name was Dawn.

Dawn and the miller-knight were very happy for a time. Unfortunately, Dawn did not take well to pregnancy. She lay in her upstairs chamber, sick and clammy with the pains of pregnancy. It was mid-winter, and the ladies opened up the window to ease her hot body. Dawn stared out the window for days.

Posted February 9, 2015 by agentksilver in writing

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The Adventures of Pizza Boy and Maggie: Brooke was always friends with Maggie   Leave a comment

Maggie and a policewoman sit on a bench. Maggie is sipping a juice.

Policewoman: Do you feel better?

Maggie nods.

Policewoman: Who do you have picking you up?

Maggie shrugs.

Policewoman: I ask because it’s possible to have the police take you home. I know you’ve been through a lot today. Some people feel better when the police take them home. (no response) And if you need, we can check out you later tonight or tomorrow morning. We can stop by your house, or call your phone, just to make sure you’re feeling alright. (no response) Or you do you live in a dorm?

Maggie nods.

Policewoman: What are you studying?
Maggie: Linguistics.
Policewoman: Oh. That sounds…interesting?
Maggie: It is. It’s amazing how much our perception of the world is shaped by our language. We speak English. In English, you have to put a subject on something. You can say the egg was broken but we don’t speak like that most of the time. We say he broke the egg. In other languages, you can even say broken egg and have that be a complete thought. But not in English. We have to blame someone.
Policewoman: Huh.
Maggie: Yeah.

Emily and Brooke enter.

Emily and Brooke: Maggie!
Maggie: Emily! Brooke!
Brooke: We got here as quickly as we could.
Emily: Are you okay?
Maggie: Where’s Uncle Gary? I thought they had to call family. Where’s Uncle Gary?
Emily: We’re practically sisters. Sister from another mister.
Maggie: Sister from another hyster.

Maggie and Emily laugh. This is a long-running joke with them.

Emily: But your uncle couldn’t make it. He called me. I said I could get a ride.
Policewoman: If you’re not comfortable with getting a ride home from your friends, we can always drive you home.
Maggie: No, they’re fine.
Emily: Fine. Acceptable.
Maggie: Tolerable.
Emily: She doesn’t smell too horrible.
Maggie: Her face isn’t wretched.
Policewoman: Alright, I’ll leave you two to it. We’ll call you tomorrow morning, just to check on you.
Maggie: Thank you for waiting.
Policewoman: And put off doing paperwork for a bit? Thank you. Have a good night.
Maggie: Thank you.

Policewoman exits.

Emily: So no, seriously, Mags.
Maggie (Mags????): No.
Emily: Are you okay.
Maggie: Yes. I’m fine. They caught them red-handed. They can’t hurt me. They won’t hurt me.

Brooke and Emily frown at her.

Maggie: Why couldn’t Uncle Gary make it?
Brooke: She’s not telling us something.
Emily: She wouldn’t hide something from us, we love her and she loves us and all is well and good in the land of Maggie and Friends.
Brooke: We are very open with our friend Maggie.
Emily: She is very open with us.
Maggie: The robbers said they would come for me. One of them specifically said that.
Brooke: That is scary.
Emily: They’re behind bars though. They’ll stay that way.
Brooke: They could post bail.
Emily: Brooke!
Brooke: They’d probably get off on a technicality.
Emily: Someone’s been watching too many forensics shows.
Brooke: Or have a better lawyer than the DA.
Emily: Those are all formulaic and super terrible. I was reading just the other day how absolutely biased those are.
Brooke: You just can’t trust the law to do the right thing. It’s always an election somewhere.

Emily pulls Brooke aside. They have a wide, gesticulating conversation in which Brooke comes to the understanding that comforting Maggie is more important right now. They return to Maggie.

Brooke: Maggie, I love you and sincerely believe that no harm will come to you. Ever. Do you know what you need?

Maggie shakes her head.


It actually doesn’t matter what song they sing – it should be a fun/overdramatic song that’s easy to rock out too, like “Bohemian Rhapsody” “Don’t Stop Believing” “Wake Me Up Inside” and the like. Or “Let It Go” since this is supposedly a play for kids, I don’t know. The three actresses should just totally rock out and have fun singing this song and maybe the audience should be encouraged to sing along too because because because.

Posted February 9, 2015 by agentksilver in writing

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The Adventures of Pizza Boy and Maggie: Restaurant Scene   Leave a comment

This scene gets rewritten so many times in my head I swear. This is what I have so far.

It’s finally Trivia Night and Emily has finally arrived. She is sitting at a table set for three, looking around eagerly. There should be other patrons at the bar, including Kurt Gallagher. Emily is very excited for all sorts of reasons. Maggie enters and sits at the table.

Maggie: It was kind of a slow night at Cheezy Pizza, so they showed me how to make a pizza! I made a pizza! People ate a thing I made! They paid for it! I need your opinion on something. Should Pizza Girl have a pizza paddle as a weapon? I mean, I know I’m a delivery girl, not a pizza chef, but I felt so bangin’. It was like a weapon. I should have a weapon. What do you think?
Emily: Are you trying to be the same as Pizza Boy, or do you want to be your own person?
Maggie: That’s the real question, isn’t it?
Emily: I can’t help you. You have to decide for yourself. Also, I have news.
Maggie: I know, I heard they cast Heat Shield.

This is not Emily’s news, but she is excited about it nonetheless.

Emily: And she looks so much like Heat Shield!
Maggie: I don’t think she looks like Heath Shield.
Emily: What do you mean? She looks so much like her. In the face. I saw on tumblr, they compared various angles of her face to different comic panels and it’s like line for line legit. It’s amazing.
Maggie: She’s a model. She’s really skinny. That’s one of the things I like about Heat Shield, she has the thick thighs and arms. She looks powerful. She looks capable of carrying around life-saving equipment. But the actress, whatever her name is, she looks like a twig. I could break her in two.
Emily: Well they cast her for looks. She can put on muscle.

Kurt returns to the table, carrying three drinks. He distributes them on the table.

Kurt: You must be Maggie! I brought you a Sprite.
Maggie: Oh, thanks. Hey, when you have a second, can you bring me a menu?

Kurt and Emily exchange a look. Kurt laughs and sits down at the third seat.

Kurt: I was a waiter all through college, I guess I do give off that waiter-y vibe.

Kurt is Emily’s big news.

Emily: Maggie, this is Kurt. We met today at the student union. He just walked right up to me and said hi!
Kurt: Hi.
Maggie: Hello.
Kurt: The service here is atrocious.
Emily: I think just because it’s trivia night. There must be a lot more people here than-
Kurt: So I just got our drinks from the bar.

Emily gives Maggie a big grin. Maggie already doesn’t like him, but puts on a smile.

Maggie: Nice to meet you, Kurt. You graduated from college, huh? What were you doing at the student union?
Kurt: Picking up cute coeds.

He winks at Emily, who swoons, I guess? She reacts in a positive manner? Look, I don’t know how people act okay. I sit alone at my computer underneath a blanket and write things and sometimes I crawl out and make pizza. I do not know how people who are infatuated act. She does a thing that infatuated people do.

Maggie: I see. What else do you do?
Kurt: Oh, I’m a writer. I know that Emily here is a blogger. What do you like to do?
Maggie: I’m a linguistics major.
Kurt: Yes, and is there anything else that you do when you’re not in class?
Maggie: Well obviously I hang out with Emily. We’ve been planning trivia night for months, did you know that you’re the third person we’ve invited to these?
Emily: And speaking of which, we should pick out our team name. I was thinking about going with our initials. MEK. Or KEM.
Maggie: Mecha.
Emily: I like it. Mecha Pilots.
Kurt: I don’t get it. Mecha?
Maggie: It’s a pretty basic anime concept.
Emily: It’s like human-shaped spaceships so you can have giant space battles but maneuver more instinctively. They showed it in District Nine and Pacific Rim.
Maggie: Excellent movies.
Emily: Indeed. So I was thinking that you probably want pickle chips, and I know I want buffalo wings, so maybe each of us can get our own appetizer and I don’t think we’ll need entrees, what do you think?
Maggie: I don’t think I’ll be satisfied with just pickle chips.
Emily: Oh, so maybe dessert? Let’s see what desserts they have.
Kurt: Maybe we should get pizza. Do you like pizza?

The way he says it is very suspicious. Maggie stares at him.

Emily: Oh, Maggie works for a pizza place, she’s probably sick of it by now. I love pizza though. Maybe we can split a pizza.
Kurt (fake-surprise): Oh, you work for a pizza place?
Emily: How did you know…?
Kurt: I didn’t. I’m surprised to learn that. How long have you been working there? When did you start delivering pizzas? Do you enjoy it? What made you want to deliver pizzas?
Maggie: She didn’t say that I deliver pizzas. She just said I work there.

Emily and Maggie exchange a very significant look: this guy is very suspicious, should they even be sitting at the same table as him?

This is about the time that I realized the scene was, once again, going in a different direction than I want. But how do I want the scene to end, anyway? I need to brush my teeth and head on out anyway.