Dad called me while I was at work yesterday. He didn’t leave a message, which is unusual for him. I called him back after I got off work. Apparently he had been talking to a coworker whose daughter graduated from Potomac Falls in 2006. He couldn’t remember when I graduated, so he had called to ask. I told him that I graduated in 2005.

“I could have done the math on that,” he said.

“That was ten years ago,” I said.

It’s been ten years since I graduated high school.

“Your ten-year high school reunion must be coming up soon,” said Dad.

“Yeah, I got invited on facebook, but it looked like it was being run by one group of friends that I didn’t really talk with, so it didn’t seem like it was worth the effort,” I said.

Ten years, man. I went to my old livejournal to see what I had been thinking about ten years ago.

November 15, 2005
Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K

I just posted Shakespeare in 15 minutes on my blog if you want to look at it. It’s inspired by Cleolinda (movies in 15 minutes). You can see the connection.

IT’S SNOWING IN IOWA AND YOU’RE PROBABLY ALL STILL SWEATING! NEEHAHHAHHAHAHA!

Listening to music, putting off homework, thinking about getting dinner. Life is beautiful.
Current Mood: creative
Current Music:Reliant K’s “Two Left’s Don’t Make A Right…But Three Do”

I hovered over the “blog” link. It’s a link to my myspace profile. Look at that thing. I’m writing towards an audience that lives in Virginia. I was apparently happy at Loras for a bit. My goodness.

Today’s ten-year-ago-today livejournal entries were more interesting.

November 16, 2005
11:43 am
Randomness…

Preparing to do my Math homework, and I was looking for music to listen to whilst being a responsible student (I can’t think without music). I decided to listen to the Flaming Lips…but I couldn’t find it. I looked in my CD book, in my pile of CDs, in my bag, no Flaming Lips. Finally, I got a stroke of inspiration, and looked in the CD book of the Flaming Lips. Lo and behold, there it was. And some people call me smart, too.
Current Mood: good
Current Music:Flaming Lips “Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots”

4:16 pm
Randomness…
Sitting there on a group project, listening to the two other kids in my group, and all the sudden I find myself thinking, “Why am I surrounded by these incompetent fools?” And then there was lightning and thunder and I was cackling maniacally and my eyes were glowing and I had power in my fingertips and I destroyed the school and got my creative writing degree and then hid in the shadows and plotted to destroy all the heroes in the world with my superior mind and powers alone.

So, yeah, I was really, really bored.
Current Mood: crazy
Current Music:Weezer’s Make Believe

9:11 pm
Paper Writing!
I DON’T KNOW! Why didn’t I write this paper earlier, when I had like energy and time and the ability to workshop it? It has to be perfect in twelve hours and 49 minutes and it’s absolute crap! AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!
Current Mood: drained
Current Music:Barenaked Ladies’ “Stunt”

Oh, that one had a comment, from the lovely Laura Kay!

yay for last-minute paper-writing
i tend to do my best work in the last 8 hours or so
procrastination is the key
you can do it
good luck!!!

Here’s what I’ve learned from this:

-I was the most boring, typical 18-year-old that ever existed.
-No wonder I hate(d) myself
-Will I hate 28-year-old me when I am 38?
-Am I the most boring, typical 28-year-old now?
-I wrote with my Virginia friends in mind when my Iowa friends were the ones reading and responding to my entries. I hadn’t realized that my life had moved on. Is it the same way now?

I took a break from addressing envelopes for the wedding in order to write this. Cornelius is napping next to me. Today I slept in until noon. I wasn’t tired. I was very comfortable. I couldn’t get up. Maybe because I was comfortable. Maybe because my mind is broken. I spent most of today feeling anxious for no reason.

I was an 18-year-old who ran halfway across the country because she knew she wasn’t happy, but couldn’t admit that it was what was inside that was making her unhappy. I’ve run an entire state away from everything I ever knew to make another chance. Because I had found happiness at home, but not satisfaction. I need to find happiness somewhere else. With a man that loves me somehow. With a cat that won’t.

Kelsey turns the car off. She stares off into the darkness for several seconds. The air is tense. The frustration is real.

James: Talk to me.
Kelsey: I just. I don’t understand.
James: What don’t you understand?
Kelsey: I just. That model of the solar system. You know. That one.
James: I know.

Where does the Kuiper Belt fit into all of this????

Kelsey: I just can’t reconcile it with the old system, the one I grew up with.

Pluto? How old is this image?

Kelsey: One just goes ffffsssvvvvvhhhhhh and the other goes vsssssddddhh. You know?
James: I know.
Kelsey: And why do they orbit around the sun? What’s keeping them there? Are the planets trying to escape?
James: Well we all started out as a disc of dust spinning around the sun. Then some of the dust started crashing into each other. And now here we are.
Kelsey: But why did they crash into each other? And why did they start spinning?
James: I don’t know. Let’s go inside and find out.

Anyway, the other day I was perusing Pinterest on a wedding-related scheme, and came across this image:

Both the color and the style struck me as beautiful, so I Pinned it. Then I went and posted the Etsy site on Facebook. Just because look at it.

You can have them in white or whatever color like red and you can do flowers instead of a bow which I admit a bow is risky:

We should be in awe over the poof of that dress but all I see is the droopiness of the bow

But do you see the contrast on that one shawl

Like

Guh

You thought I forgot this reaction image didn’t you

Anyway this thing is classy and elegant and gorgeous and everything that I am not, and so I totally want it but it’s not at all what I had in mind for my wedding? I don’t even know what I want for my wedding like

This is what I had originally planned for the bridal party. But we all talked about it and like

This is what they would rather have

Or would an all-white sweater be best I don’t know

What do I want

I was in DC very briefly, long enough to visit two venues, host a play reading, and shop for dresses. I hadn’t realized how much of a respite from the ridiculous pollen I had had until I got back into North Carolina. I immediately started getting itchy eyes. When I showed up at the apartment, James immediately hopped up from his computer and went to me with his arms wide open. I ducked under his arms and went straight for the tissues. Then I hugged him. Because, you know. Fiance.

I’ve visited four possible venues now:

1) Meadowlark Atrium in Vienna
2) North Carolina Botanical Gardens in Chapel Hill, NC
3) Wolf Trap in Vienna, VA
4) Old South Mountain Inn in Boonsboro, MD

At lunch on Tuesday, after Mom, Katie, and I had finished visiting South Mountain Inn, we sat down for lunch in Frederick.

“Let’s do this HGTV style,” Katie said. “Just eliminate one, right of the bat.”

When my future Mother-In-Law, Deb, had said that she had expected me to choose a Virginia location, I decided not to consider any more North Carolina locations. So we just had three other locations under consideration.

“Meadowlark,” I said.

“Good choice,” said Mom. “I hated how industrial it felt!”

“I’ve been to weddings there, it was nice,” Katie said.

“Yeah, but there’s no place to go while the caterers reset,” I said.

Katie described the wedding she had been to there. The ceremony had been on the patio, and then they had gone inside for the reception. It hadn’t been a problem at all. I pointed out that that had been during warm weather. Since my wedding is in January, my guests couldn’t go outside. I would have to store them all in the smaller alcove behind the atrium. That would probably be uncomfortable.

“If you had to pick a venue right now which one would it be?” Katie asked.

I honestly had no idea. There were pros and cons to both Wolf Trap and South Mountain Inn. Wolf Trap just had more space. It had the large lobby and the nice patio (if the weather allowed) where the guests could have cocktails while the main room was reset. And an awesome fireplace. But while one quadrant overlooked the pretty woods and patio, the other quadrant overlooked the parking lot.

“We can probably put some bunting up or something,” Mom said.

“Yeah, but it’s still in a conference room, and they have very little allowance for decorating,” I said. In fact, James and I would look at pictures that very night; all the pictures were taken from one very specific angle, to show off the windows.

And they are very nice windows, exactly what I was imagining. But it’s in a conference room.

Mom shrugged.

Old South Mountain Inn had so much light. The Garden room was all windows. It was the building that gave me the idea for a heavily-windowed room for the wedding anyway. The wedding coordinator that was so nice and clearly knew her stuff. The transition from ceremony to reception was only 15 minutes. Plus there was more leeway for decoration. And the Christmas decorations already being in the wedding colors? Clearly fate.

But it was so small.

“We’ll have that second room for spillover,” Mom pointed out.

I stared at my guest list and worried about it anyway.

I told the elephant story four times yesterday. I’m going to have to get used to telling that story, due to the whole engaged-without-a-ring thing. I called Mom as I was getting out of work. I was very very nervous about it. What if she was, for some weird reason, angry? But Mom was delighted.

“Now that that’s out of the way,” she said after giving me congratulations, “Any plans for the wedding?”

“I’m thinking late December or early January,” I said.

“Why not New Years?”

Mom went on and on about how much fun it would be to celebrate on New Years. Then she said, “What sort of venue are you thinking about?”

I said, “I want to get married surrounded by trees, but I don’t think that’s possible in the middle of winter. So I was thinking about a greenhouse.”

Mom’s reaction:

(clearly this is my new favorite reaction image)

Apparently she didn’t get a lot of work done for the rest of the afternoon, because she was too busy researching greenhouses as wedding venues. She also thinks we should go with green as a dominant color, but I disagree. I told Lacey as much, and she said that purple might work. I’m thinking gray and blue, but James thinks the colors might not work together.

Mom has already picked out a potential venue, and we’ll be checking it out on Monday. I told her that it didn’t necessarily have to be a greenhouse. I just wanted it to be in the woods and for there to be lots of windows. “Like that restaurant in the forest we used to go to a lot,” I said. “The one in Maryland.”

Mom’s reaction:

(all the time now)

Apparently she and Grampa have always wanted to host an event there.

But the next step is to figure out who all we’re inviting. I made an initial list last night. It’s about 80 people. I have no idea if that’s workable or not.

One set of James’ many Aunts and Uncles was in town last night, so the family had a get-together at a family restaurant in Durham. It was so clearly meant to be the way we announced our engagement to the family. James waited until dinner was almost over before he made the announcement.

“Finally,” said Deb, my future mother-in-law.

When I explained why I didn’t have a ring on, James’ aunt Marcia said, “Well don’t have too untraditional of a wedding now!”

James and I were surprised, because we are two of the most traditional people that ever existed. I just…don’t like wearing rings.

Sunday was our fifth anniversary together, in case people are wondering why James proposed on March 22 rather than a more typical day, like February 14 or January 1. I had had an inkling that he was going to do it. He’s said, a few times, “My mom will probably give us the down payment on a house as a wedding present.” (James’ mother is rich) Sometimes, when we’re discussing the future townhouse, he’s said that we were probably only going to be there for the eleven-month lease and that we might be moving to a house we own next. Not subtle.

Other things, like a few months ago, he was talking about rings. Was there any kind of jewelry that I would be interested in? And I gave my usual spiel about how awful diamond companies are. Yeah, but there are other kinds of rocks. Are there any I like? I replied no. No matter how significant or sentimental a piece of jewelry is, I’m going to forget about it and stop wearing it after a day or two. Was there anything that I could think of that I would want in lieu of a ring?

James is just not a subtle man.

In January, I was looking at a particular toy elephant online that I had had my eye on for a good long while.

James asked why I was staring at it, and I explained that I would buy it, but it was $115 and there were much better things to spend that kind of money on.

James’ face:

About a month ago he began to talk openly about both of us needing to have March 22 off. I duly requested the 22 off, and then asked him what sort of plans he had for that day. He said he didn’t have any. He just wanted the day off.

Hmm.

I suggested that maybe we visit a restaurant downtown. But all of the nice restaurants in the area are either closed on Sundays, or only open for lunch.

We ended up hosting Game Night as usual. Only the three regulars showed up, Matt, Gary, and Linus. We played a few games and I lost horribly at two of them (Whitewater and Wise and Otherwise), but I won Kalimambo the second time. “Come on, guys,” James said as Gary and Linus openly discussed shoving my raft into the rocks, “I need Kelsey to be happy tonight. Then, when they left and I started cleaning up a bit, James disappeared into the bedroom and reappeared with a suspiciously toy-elephant-sized box.

I delightedly opened the box. We worked together to free the elephant from his chains (I felt like a Kyoshi warrior in Appa’s Lost Days, the episode of Avatar we watched a few days ago). I went and got my Elephant Fighter Attachment from the bedroom so that attachment and main item could be together at last.

Truly a thing of beauty.

As I worked to get all the elephant warriors to sit correctly on the harness, James reappeared with a small stuffed purple elephant. It was the last of the elephants that James’ parents had collected at various hotels in Taiwan (all hotels in Taiwan apparently come with elephants).

“This is also for you,” he said.

I laughed and said that it was weird that he was always giving me those, since my interaction with them had been to throw them at his head when his father was sick.

James told me that I had been distracting him and showing him affection, which was helped him during those dark days. So maybe they were more important to him, but he important thing was that he wanted to marry me, would I marry him.

Well, finally.

So I was in Florida this weekend!

IT WAS AMAZING.